Making the Most of Life

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Two weeks ago, I was shocked when a college friend of mine announced that her husband, also a college friend, had died from a massive stroke from which he never regained consciousness. I think he was only 66 years old, younger than me. 

He and I were religious studies compatriots and since I was the only woman in the religion program and in the classes, it was good to have someone besides the instructor treat me with respect. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hounded by the other students in the program. I was hounded by men who studied other subjects but considered themselves God’s messengers. Even so, sometimes I felt like what I had to say was not regarded as important. Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought it might be because I was a woman, or maybe because I was too “liberal” for their tastes.  

The other thing about these college friends was that we shared a wedding anniversary and every year we’d wish each other happy whatever anniversary we were celebrating. Now there will be no more anniversary wishes to share with them.

His death got me thinking, I can’t waste the time I have left on this planet being afraid to say what I think and feel. Over the years I have gotten in the habit of keeping my head down, because when I was that hopeful, wide eyed religion major, stating what I thought and felt threw me into more than one controversy. For an introvert, that’s the worst.

But I’m older now with a thicker skin. And I’ve learned not to pay attention to the negativity that permeates much of the media, social and otherwise. I don’t even pay attention to the negative comments by friends and family. I just let them think what they want and love them as they are. 

The reason I started Story-Power was to examine how stories, both ancient and new help us understand ourselves better so we can get along with each other. Most people think and even say, that we are living through an unprecedented time of division among the disparate groups. I’m not sure that is historically accurate, but the situation makes people scared. Each group thinks they have the answers to how people should live. But the thing is, even though I know that we are all connected by something invisible, we’re like puzzle pieces and each piece has it’s own place in the larger picture. If we all thought and felt the same there would be no picture. It would be one solid color. How boring is that?

Let me say this, not everyone needs to believe or think exactly the same things. If we did there would be no learning. The human race would not progress. Trying to control the whole of humanity just isn’t feasible. The only reason someone tries to control everything in their outer world is because they are deeply afraid. But trying to control outer events isn’t the way to alleviate fear. The only way you can do it is to go within and exorcize your demons. I was fortunate to have learned this lesson in my mid-20s. 

In the midst of those controversies I mentioned earlier, I began keeping a journal at the suggestion of one of my instructors. For months I whined and complained about my terrible lot in life until finally one day I got bored with that and asked, “What am I supposed to be learning from all this?” Immediately answers started pouring out of my mind onto the page. The biggest lesson was that everything that was happening was something I had chosen to help myself grow and expand. That was a huge revelation. I was responsible for everything that was happening to me? At first I thought, “Well that sucks.” But as I kept writing for the next few days I began to feel empowered. If I was responsible for the bad things that were happening to me, then I could choose to have good things happen to learn from too. 

I don’t remember the exact chain of events, but writing in my journal and getting involved in the theatre troupe at my college came at about the same time. I loved doing theatre. The students and faculty were so open and welcoming. I loved it so much that I took Introduction to Theatre and was hooked. I added that major to my nearly finished religious studies major. Now looking back on the entire experience, I realize that most of the people who professed to be religious and connected to God were judgmental, didactic, and controlling. My theatre colleagues were accepting and open to all kinds of new people and ideas. No wonder I chose to continue my education in theatre.

The bottom line is this: each person is responsible for finding their own path, developing their own belief system, and deciding how they are going to live in this world. Sometimes the choices of others seem horrible, or tragic and we judge their choices. But being judgmental takes us away from paying attention to clearing out our own demons. I’d rather be curious about the people I meet. I’d rather try to see the world from their point of view so I can expand my understanding of the world.

Dale Carnegie said it this way in How to Win Friends and Influence People, “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’” 

I know that’s what theatre, movie and TV people do. They try to understand the characters and why they do what they do. Other creatives on my podcast have indicated they do the same thing. Maybe scientists, philosophers, coaches, teachers, and theologians do the same thing. That’s the mindset I think we need to cultivate in ourselves, because if I’m asking someone for their opinion about a certain topic, I’m not challenging them. Hopefully they feel that I’m trying to understand them, and that’s a basic need we all have.

My college friend was that kind of person. He was curious. He wanted to understand where other people were coming from. Even though I haven’t seen him in a number of years, I will miss the possibility that we might connect again. Maybe one day soon, we’ll connect with his wife and reminisce about the good times with him. No one truly goes away. They stay in our hearts and/or the lessons we learn from them stay with us. I’m grateful my friend and I got to know each other. He was a good man.

I hope the end of June is turning out to be good for you. Thanks for following, reading, commenting and liking these posts.

Blessings,

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2023 

Saving the World One Story at a Time on Ûdemy

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https://www.udemy.com/course/saving-the-world-one-story-at-a-time/?couponCode=SAVINGTHEWORLDJUNE2

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast and Patreon communities so I’d have an excuse to talk story. You may have seen my Story-Power posts here. If you’re passionate about stories too, and want to talk about your favorite stories, come join me at either SageWoman.life, or patreon.com/StoryPower.

The Space Between Time

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.

Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, after the last few years, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.

The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version is published.

Lucinda is also the host of Story-Power a podcast where she and her guests discuss their creative endeavors, and/or the stories that have changed their lives. It’s available here on Sage Woman Chronicles and on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast apps. Please rate and leave a review. It helps people find me.

PodMatch

If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.