What Children Learn and Adults Forget

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One morning last week, I woke up remembering a slim little book published in 1986 titled All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, by Robert Fulghum. It’s really a book of observational essays about things he noticed in the world around him or about things he’d been thinking about and the effect those things had upon his life.

What I felt when I remembered the book was that we need more sharing in the world. That’s the first thing on the list of things we learn in kindergarten is to “share everything”.  I’m really good at sharing some things, but not so good at sharing others. I can share books, or my teaching materials, or my time, but I’m not so good at sharing money. That’s not good because I don’t share it when I feel like I don’t have enough. That’s lack thinking and I want to change my mind about that. I’m working on feeling prosperous no matter how much money I have. I mean, compared to some people in the world, I’m wealthy. I have two cars, a beautiful home, food on the table, I have annuities and Social Security. I’m beyond fortunate. One thing I’ve noticed is that giving away money helps me FEEL wealthy.

Some of the other things we learn in kindergarten according to Fughum’s list are, “play fair, don’t hit people, put things back where you found them, and don’t take things that aren’t yours.” It all seems so simple when we’re children. We’re taught to be open hearted and mindful of others feelings but as we grow somehow we forget. Things happen and we begin to protect ourselves. I’m on a mission to go back to being open to all the wonderful things the Universe has to offer me just as children are. It’s something I have to pay attention to every single moment. Those negative thoughts come crashing in and I begin to tense up and become afraid. And then I remember, if I allow it, good people and things will come to me. All I have to do is allow them in.

What kindergarten teachers are really trying to teach is empathy. It is a skill that can be developed to a high degree. Most of us have some measure of empathy. I mean think about a time when someone was yelling at their children in the grocery store, or a restaurant and almost everyone could hear them. How did that make you feel? Did you notice how the atmosphere in the room changed? I cringe just thinking about times like that. That’s my empathy kicking in.

I wish I could remember where I read this, but there was a study done about how people react when they view certain situations, either in real life or on the screen. What the researchers found was that when we witness cruelty or kindness done to others, it’s as if it is done to us. We experience the fight or flight response, or our hearts open to the wonderful feeling of being appreciated. Learning that was sobering, but not a surprising conclusion because I know that I cry when someone else does. I feel the happiness and warmth shared among people when I’m a witness to happy situations. I also feel the opposite when I watch or read a story that is full of hatred and darkness. That’s why I seek out stories that make me feel good. The characters might go through some tough situations, but if they learn something and come out the other side ready to be open hearted and loving, that’s my kind of story. I learn something from what the characters have experienced. 

Reading All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten again has solidified my resolve to be more mindful and loving to others. I don’t pay attention to that often enough. I think we allow life to beat us down so we can fit in. But I’m determined to be better at sharing the good things in life from now on.

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Blessings,

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2023

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