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“What can a pencil do for all of us? Amazing things. It can write transcendent poetry, uplifting music, or life-changing equations; it can sketch the future, give life to untold beauty, and communicate the full-force of our love and aspirations.” ~ Adam Braun
As you may have guessed by my first post this year, I’m in a bit of a funk. Barry and I got Covid the first week of the month. It took us another week or so to get over that fully. That was the beginning of feeling unsettled.
Than my brother, who is the executor of my parent’s estate, told us that he had to sign the paperwork for my 91 year old mother to enter hospice care. I’ve decided not to spend the money to see her before she dies, which makes me feel two ways. She’s got dementia, so she isn’t really able to carry on a conversation. She might not even know I’m there. On the other hand, I want to sit with her and hold her hand. I know it may be for myself only, but I’d like to say a proper goodbye.
While my emotions have been going up and down, I decided to finish reading a book by one of my Story-Power guests, The Color of the Elephant by Christine Herbert. Her episode aired in August of 2023. She sent me a copy of her book about a week before we recorded our conversation, but I only got a couple of chapters in before we chatted. Then life got in the way and I set it aside. However, I felt bad that I didn’t finish it, so I picked it up again and I’m so glad I did. It’s about Christine’s time in the Peace Corps in Zambia from 2004 – 2006. At the end of the book, Mr. Chisala, Christine’s counterpart for the projects she’s been working on in her village, told her that one day she would write a book about her time in Zambia, the people who became her friends, and those she worked with. I love that Christine never holds back from her foibles and mistakes. In this case, she decides not to tell Mr. Chisala that writing is torture for her and she has no intention of writing a book about her experiences. But there I was holding her book filled with so much beauty, heartbreak, and honesty in my hands. I cried because it takes courage to lay bare the deepest emotions about our most profound experiences. That’s something Christine does so well in her book and what I need to learn how to do here in this blog and in my books.
One of my favorite chapters in the book was about Christine paying for a bus ticket and then sitting in the bus waiting five hours for the bus driver to come out and get underway. He was on African Time. The heat, the waiting, the worry that she wouldn’t get to her meeting on time, finally got to her. She went into the ticket office to get her money back only to be told, “No refunds”. That set her off and she began to not only argue with the man, but when he tried to leave, she chased him demanding that he give her money back or she’d kill him. (American for: I’m so angry I want to punch you in the face.) As you can imagine, she caused quite a ruckus chasing him around the yard. Eventually one of the spectators handed her a fistful of bills, which only amounted to about $1.50 US, and begged her to take it and not kill the ticket taker. That’s when she realized how ridiculous she was being, but on top of that how her white skin gave her privileges that she didn’t feel she deserved. There’s more to that story, but I hope you’ll buy the book and discover it for yourself. There is much more love and beauty in the book than events like that one, but I was impressed that Christine would allow us to see her at her worst. I don’t do that in my writing and she has convinced me that I need to.
Here is the link for Christine’s Story-Power episode, “The Peace Corps, Chocolate, and Books”. I hope you’ll listen to it again, or for the first time.
I’ve been struggling with why I’m feeling so unsettled beyond my Mom’s imminent death and I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve been producing Story-Power for three and a half years, and I don’t think my influence goes very far. That didn’t use to bother me, but lately, I would like to have people subscribe to my Patreon Community, or make comments here so we can have conversations about stories, or what I’ve written. But all I get is crickets. I go back and forth about whether or not what I’m doing is worthwhile. In December, I felt like I need to cultivate friendships with some of my podcast guests and pay attention to the friends I already have more closely. Doing that takes time and effort not to mention a new mindset. I love being quiet and invisible at home, but I need to be okay with making time to email and/or call my friends to get caught up. I need to be okay with being “seen”.
I feel that it’s time to make some changes, but I’m not sure what those changes will be yet. In a way that makes me anxious. We’d all like to know what the future holds. I’ll have to be comfortable with uncertainty for now.
Thanks for reading, liking and occasionally commenting. I hope your New Year is going well.
Blessings,
Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2024
The Space Between Time
Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.
Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, after the last few years, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.
The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version and sequel are published.
Story-Power on Patreon and Apple Subscriptions
I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast, Patreon Community, and Apple subscription so I’d have an excuse to talk story with other story lovers. Patreon is $5 a month for content not found on the Story-Power podcast, or on my Sage Woman Blog. The Apple subscription is $3 a month, again with content not found on the Story-Power podcast. If you’re passionate about stories, and want to talk about what you’ve learned from your favorites, come join me at patreon.com/StoryPower. Or, you can add the subscription on Apple podcast where Story-Power is published.
PodMatch
If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. I call them a dating service for podcasters. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.
Sage Woman Chronicles 