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“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’” ~ Dale Carnegie
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.* It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.” ~ M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled. *The first of the “Four Noble Truths” which Buddha taught was “Life is suffering.”
It’s Sunday night. Movie night. The popcorn is popped. Everyone in the family is gathered around the TV waiting for the movie to start. The lion roars, the trumpets sound, or the globe, mountain, or Torch Lady appears and we settle in for a night of entertainment and conversation. This is a movie we’ve wanted to see for a long time, but living in a small town with no movie theater, we’ve had to wait. But now the credits roll and we get to satisfy our curiosity about this most talked about movie.
With two working parents who are also gone two or three nights a week, this is the one time we get to enjoy an activity together. We pay attention to the opening scenes because we know that Dad and Mom are going to ask us questions during the commercial break.”Which character do you like so far? What do you think is going to happen next?” Oh, back to the movie watching carefully so we can answer the next set of questions or ask questions of our own.
Watching and discussing movies together as a family was just as important as eating dinner together. Like other families, we occasionally went camping, played games, and watched important world events together. But movie nights were the most fun because unlike going to see a movie in the theater, we didn’t have to wait until it was over to talk about what was happening and what we thought was going to be the outcome of the story. The last question of the night was usually about the moral of the story. Why was the story written? What message did the storytellers want the audience to go away with?
It wasn’t until I was in high school or college that I understood the reason my parents instituted movie night. They wanted us to see lots of characters in lots of different situations, so we could figure out why the characters made the decisions they did and evaluate whether they made good ones or not. And did any of the characters or situations remind us of people we knew, or situations we’d been in? They were teaching us about human nature.
Families doing things together, no matter what the activity is, in my opinion, is very important. It’s where we learn to get along with others. But not all families are healthy. I was extremely fortunate to have parents who took the job of raising us seriously.
Sometimes I despair that there are too many children having to fend for themselves emotionally and physically. As a teacher I saw lots of young people in distress because they didn’t have supportive parents. And I wonder if families spending time together is something that’s fading away. I wonder this because a teacher friend I talked to some time back told me that she was appalled by the number of her elementary students who shared in class that when they got home from school they went into their room to play games or watch videos and movies on their computers. When it was dinner time, they went down got their dinner and went back to their rooms to eat it. Each person in the family went their separate ways to enjoy the evening’s entertainment. We agreed that was tragic. How could those children learn to interact with others? How did they learn to make friends? I had a parent tell me once that she was relying on me to “fix her teenager”. I had to bite my tongue so that I didn’t say, “You’re the parent and spend more time with your child than I do. I see them maybe six hours a week.”
It’s my feeling that parents like the one above, don’t know how to teach their children good skills, maybe because they had absent parents themselves. And even though the good and great teachers try to fill the gap for students who don’t have a wonderful home life, they can’t give as much attention as they would like because they have a lot of students to manage.
Having absent parents might be part of the reason we’re feeling more disconnected from one another. Studies show that loneliness is at an all time high in the U.S. And all the media outlets keep reiterating that our country is more divided than ever. So how do we reverse those trends? How do we value each other better?
I don’t have children, but if I did, family movie or TV night would be part of what we do together as a family. I guess, for the most part, we teach our children as we were taught. I can say, I would not want to be one of those parents who doesn’t know how to show love or even be curious about what’s happening in my children’s lives. I would want to be like my parents and attend their school functions and sit around the dinner table sharing about what happened to us during the day.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my family of origin lately because my Mom’s health is failing. She’s in hospice and though her death is not imminent, I can’t really have a conversation with her because she’s got dementia, which is sad because we used to have great conversations about the books we were reading, or the movies we’d enjoyed. I’d tell Mom what was going on at school, then when I started working we talk about that. After she and Dad retired, she’d tell me about their travels, or the new friends she and Dad made. So it’s sad not to be able to talk with her anymore.
I know that she will die sometime soon and I’ve been remembering a lot of great times we enjoyed together as a family. One of the great things about Mom and Dad was that they welcomed our friends when we invited them to visit. This was often on a Sunday after church occurrence when my brother and I were in high school. We’d invite our friends over for Sunday dinner, then go tell Mom and she’d always say with a big smile on her face, “Oh, I’m not sure we have enough food. We’ll have to stop at the store.” Those meals were so fun. We’d sit around the table talking about current events, or problems we were having with someone at school, or just anything that was on our minds. Mom and Dad listened and we’d discuss the different aspects of the situations. Sometimes my parents would admit they didn’t have the answers, and that was the thing my friends loved the most about them. They didn’t try to know it all. My friends told me I had the “cool” parents.
I did have cool parents who loved us so much that they wanted us to go out into the world knowing a little bit about how to get along with people. I will always be grateful to them for that. Maybe that’s why I feel compelled to pass what I learned from them along to others. If we can learn to stop trying to protect ourselves and accept those around us, maybe we can build strong relationships and become happier. There are books and teachers who are encouraging us to open up and make connections with others.
I recommend a book that might help you become happier and more connected. It’s Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. I’ve read it and it’s a practical guide to becoming happier by paying attention to four aspects of our lives, family, friendships, work, and faith. Many of us neglect one or more of these aspects.
I know, it’s challenging to build deeper relationships with our friends and family. We won’t always agree on everything and that’s scary. We have to be committed to working stuff out and just loving our friends and family in spite of our differences. Sometimes we want to bury ourselves in work so we don’t have to think of the pain we’re suffering at home. Sometimes we feel so alone it’s hard to believe that there are friends and a divine being that cares about us. But if we want to be happy we need to examine our lives and see if we can identify places within ourselves that need healing.
I use stories as one tool to do that because stories are about every aspect of human experience and I can always find characters who are going through what I’m experiencing and I can get some tools and gain hope that I can learn valuable lessons as well. Analyzing stories is not the only tool to help us heal. It’s just a fun one.
What I hope this post will encourage you to do is to make an investment in yourself and build a happier life by healing yourself and reaching out to build strong relationships with others. Life is short. How do you want to experience it?
Blessings,
Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2024
The Space Between Time
Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, most of us have. In THE SPACE BETWEEN TIME, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her 3-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime. This started off as a very different book. It’s amazing where the muses take you. You can get a hard copy of TSBT at Amazon, or at your favorite ebook retailer. Now back to working on book two.
Best Book Awards: American Book Fest 2017 winners and finalists: http://www.americanbookfest.com/generalfiction/fantasyscifi.html
Rita Gau’s review: Recently, I finished reading a book titled, The Space Between Time, by my friend, Lucinda Sage-Midgorden. It was the best book I’ve read in a long time. It kept me captivated, which I have not experienced from any other book for the past couple of years. I loved all the little gems of meaningful and what I call spiritual statements throughout the book. You know, those words that make you pause and think, and sometimes have an “aha” from or a deeper awareness about something. And it was entertaining and informational about some of the history in the 1800’s and yet, contemporary. It also reminded me of the importance of “living in community” and how important it is to help one another and be engaged in your community. Thank you Lucinda for a wonderful, entertaining and captivating book!
Story-Power on Patreon and Apple Subscriptions
I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast, Patreon Community, and Apple subscription so I’d have an excuse to talk story with other story lovers. Patreon is $5 a month for content not found on the Story-Power podcast, or on my Sage Woman Blog. The Apple subscription is $3 a month, again with content not found on the Story-Power podcast. If you’re passionate about stories, and want to talk about what you’ve learned from your favorites, come join me at patreon.com/StoryPower. Or, you can add the subscription on Apple podcast where Story-Power is published.
PodMatch
If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. I call them a dating service for podcasters. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.
Sage Woman Chronicles 