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“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’” ~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
One of the many things I can thank my parents for was instituting family movie night. Analyzing the movies we watched gave me some fantastic skills that I use to evaluate situations in the real world. Let me give you some examples.
I have learned to look at situations that happen in my personal life and in the greater world and not only look for the reasons something happened, but also what could the possible consequences be for the actions I take, or people in leadership, or government positions take?
The basic question for almost all situations is to ask, “Why did they do that, or why are they making that decision?”
If someone treats me badly, instead of getting angry and lashing out immediately, I take a step back and ask “Why did they do that?” As an actor I learned to come up with multiple reasons why my character acted the way they did, or made the choices they made in the context of the play. So it’s easy for me to make up all kinds of reasons why someone is yelling at me, most of which have nothing to do with me. I ask why that person yelling at me is angry? Even though I may be completely wrong about the reason, just asking the question gives me a chance to try to diffuse the situation by asking them some caring and supportive questions.
I think it is universal in all countries, companies, or entities, that the population complain about the way the leaders do their jobs. I’ll give an example. I saw a statistic a week or so ago showing that a rather large percentage of people in our country FEEL like the economy is bad, the unemployment rate is going up, and so on. When in fact, the economy is booming and the unemployment rate is going down. It was also pointed out that war protestors criticized President Biden for not doing enough to help the Palestinians, or Ukrainians protect innocent people.
Here’s the thing, we don’t attend those delicate negotiations that take place behind closed doors in those kinds of situations. In the case of the war in Israel, we have been their allies for decades and it’s only been in the last year or so that the government there seems to be violating decency and the rights of innocent human beings. But in truth, we ordinary people only know what we see on the news, or on social media. We can’t know the whole story. It’s a diplomatic mess that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with. We can’t know what our government is doing through diplomatic channels, because if it were public knowledge, it could seem like betrayal. And do our leaders want to cause more conflict by their actions being seen as a betrayal of our long relationship with Israel?
We say we long for transparency in government, but maybe we’re not quite ready to have our leaders broadcast all of what they are doing. Sometimes you have to fool the bad guys to accomplish humanitarian goals. And maybe we need to be watchful, but show more trust as well.
So the biggest lesson I have learned from analyzing the characters in stories down to the smallest detail is to not jump to conclusions. To widen my perspective and ask “Why?” As the quote by Dale Carnegie above says, ask why people are doing what they are doing. But more than that look at the consequences of not only their actions and choices, but the consequences of our own. And one thing more, we can ask where is the love and am I contributing to it? Or am I contributing to division and hatred by my actions?
I have been studying A Course in Miracles for many years and there are two concepts that at first went against what I had been taught. The first was that “Only love is real”. Everything else is illusion. The second is “In my defenselessness my safety lies.” In other words the more I protest and resist perceived attacks, the more attacks I will receive. That one is still hard for me to wrap my head around. But asking “why”, is a really great place to begin to turn away from attacking those we think have harmed us.
If you think I’m wrong there is a great example of this in the Biopic about Tina Turner, What’s Love Got To Do with It? She was abused by her husband, Ike, for many years. I don’t remember all the details, but eventually they divorced, he went to prison, and Tina started her stellar solo career. In the mean time she had found Buddhism. When he got out of prison, he showed up backstage to one of her sold out concerts with a gun and threatened to kill her. She just looked him in the eye and told him she wasn’t afraid of him and he could do his worst, which stopped him in his tracks. When he didn’t pick up the gun he’d put on her makeup table, she told him she was going out to perform for her audience leaving him to try to understand what just happened.
I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learned from analyzing stories is that there is always more going on behind the scenes of a situation, or in people’s lives than any of us can possibly know. The best thing we can do is to take a step back, be patient and wait to see whether we can be of help or if we need to stay out of the way.
I don’t know about you, but I tend to believe the human race is on this planet for a reason. We’re here to learn important lessons, the biggest being to love and trust one another. I choose to send out as much love as possible to all the people who are suffering and in pain. Hopefully that energy will contribute our evolution into loving beings.
Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting on these posts. I’m glad to be back. Have a wonderful week ahead and a beautiful summer.
Blessings,
Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2024
The Space Between Time
Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.
Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, after the last few years, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.
The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version and sequel are published.
Lucinda is also the host of Story-Power a podcast where she and her guests discuss their creative endeavors, and/or the stories that have changed their lives. It’s available here on Sage Woman Chronicles and on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast apps. Please rate and leave a review. It helps people find me.
Rita Gau’s review: Recently, I finished reading a book titled, The Space Between Time, by my friend, Lucinda Sage-Midgorden. It was the best book I’ve read in a long time. It kept me captivated, which I have not experienced from any other book for the past couple of years. I loved all the little gems of meaningful and what I call spiritual statements throughout the book. You know, those words that make you pause and think, and sometimes have an “aha” from or a deeper awareness about something. And it was entertaining and informational about some of the history in the 1800’s and yet, contemporary. It also reminded me of the importance of “living in community” and how important it is to help one another and be engaged in your community. Thank you Lucinda for a wonderful, entertaining and captivating book!
Story-Power on Patreon and Apple Podcasts
I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast, Patreon Community, and Apple subscription so I’d have an excuse to talk story with other story lovers. Patreon is $5 a month for content not found on the Story-Power podcast, or on my Sage Woman Blog. The Apple subscription is $3 a month, again with content not found on the Story-Power podcast. If you’re passionate about stories, and want to talk about what you’ve learned from your favorites, come join me at patreon.com/StoryPower. Or, you can add the subscription on Apple podcast where Story-Power is published. Let’s share what we’ve learned from the stories we love.
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