Sage Woman Chronicles

Women Unite!

“Out of 6 billion humans, the troublemakers are just a handful.” –Dalai Lama

“I think governments can’t do much.” –Dalai Lama

“Change in the world comes from individuals, from the inner peace in individual hearts. Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far reaching affects.” –Dalai Lama

Last week I wanted to scream! So many attacks of all kinds on women. I don’t say this often, but I was OUTRAGED by the kidnapping of the girls in Nigeria. There are so many incidents reported in the news where women are attacked in one way or another.

I was already fuming when I saw the link to this article on Facebook the other day, and I nearly lost it. The title of the article is: “Council of Islamic Ideology declares women’s existence anti-Islamic.” And here’s a quote from the article. “As the meeting concluded CII Chairman Maulana Huhammad Kan Shirani noted that women by existing defied the laws of nature, and to protect Islam and the Sharia women should be forced to stop existing as soon as possible.” Ahhhh! Good luck keeping the species going with that one guys. The article is completely unbelievable to me, as a Western woman.

As a disclaimer, I have to say that the CII may be an extremist group. I’m sure not all Islamic leaders hold to this drastic point of view.

It’s no secret that women suffer ill treatment world wide. Some men think we women are commodities to use as they see fit.

In this country women’s rights aren’t much better. The rights women worked so hard to obtain when I was growing up, are being threatened by ultra-conservative men. They think we can’t understand what kind of health care we need, that we don’t need wage equality, and if we complain about the fact that we’re not getting paid the same amount as men for doing the same job, we get fired. Take for example Jill Abramson, former Executive Editor of the New York Times.

If we women stand up for ourselves, we’re labeled as hard to work with, or overly emotional, irrational, illogical. We’re often characterized as hormonal bitches. We’ve been blamed for causing men to rape us, and I couldn’t believe this one: In an article on Care2 on April 29, 2014 titled “Is There Anything We Won’t Blame on Women?”, South Carolina Republican Senate candidate Det Bowers said we’re to blame if our husbands leave us for another woman. I guess men don’t have to take responsibility for their actions.

The thing is that we women are so much more than any description anyone can give of us. Human beings are complicated. It may be that women are more complicated than men, and that’s what baffles them so much. I will be bold and say, I believe women are what holds civilization together.

In 2009, the Dalai Lama is credited with saying that “The world will be saved by the western woman.” Well I’m a western woman, and I’m going to stand up and state in this blog, and anywhere I can, that I’ve had enough of this foolishness. I’m a human being created by God in Her image with a brain to think with, and a heart to love with. And if you’re such an insecure man, that you have to try to subjugate my gender because we scare the bejeezes out of you, well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. We’re getting sick and tired of your juvenile attitudes and treatment of us. And like we always do, we’re going to clean up this mess you immature guys have made.

Here’s one bit of encouraging news that happened just last week. Minnesota has a “safe harbor” law meant to treat girls who are kidnapped and trafficked as victims of a crime rather than criminals themselves. (It’s about time someone realized that!) It’s the inspiration for a new law being crafted by Sen. Amy Klobuchar and Rep. Erik Paulsen to tackle sex trafficking in the United States. Yes, it happens here too. It’s just one good thing that’s happening to change the way women are treated.

I want to be clear, I’m not saying all men are bad, or think women are inferior. I am fortunate to be surrounded by great men in my family, and circle of friends. Most of the men I know, are mature, kind, and supportive. They’ve done their own personal work, and want to make the world a better place in which all people can live. But there are men out there, like the men who kidnapped those girls in Nigeria, who are delusional. Dare I say they’re sociopathic? Just what is it about women that frighten men so much? It seems to me that’s a key question we need to address.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I can do to help women find their power. Writing this blog, speaking out on the issues I think matter, is one thing I can do. Another is to support women in my local area in any way I can. What I feel is happening, is that women and men are seeing the faults in the way we’ve treated each other. They are forming a web of support for their fellow human beings. I want to be part of that web of support. I want to nurture others, and help turn the tide of human interactions from dog-eat-dog, to cooperation and collaboration. What about you?

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You Get More With Honey Part 2

“I wish to live without hate, whim, jealousy, envy, and fear. I wish to be simple, honest, frank, natural…to face any obstacle and meet every
difficulty unabashed and unafraid.”-Elbert Hubbard

Something about the article about Donald Sterling that I wrote last week stirred up lots of discussion, and made me go back to take another look at what I was trying to say.

Over the years I’ve done a lot of personal work, which started with listening to, and observing my dad. He used to say, “You can’t change another person’s mind. You can only change yourself, and hope they’re paying attention.” I’ve taken that advice to heart. Over the years I’ve discovered something really amazing. If I stop pushing against what I don’t like in others, and just accept them for who they are, amazing changes happen.

I’m a very sensitive person, so I feel the pain of others deeply. It’s hard for me not to speak up when someone is getting abused. Here’s an example. When I was teaching high school, I had two students who were named to the State All Star Football team. They were full of themselves, and thought they ruled the world. This created a very bad situation in our classroom. There was a student in that class that everyone assumed was gay. The football players treated him very badly. When I tried to stop them from harassing him, they acted as if I had no power over them.

I called their parents, I talked to their coach, I talked with the Principal trying to get support to back me up. I got support, but the boys were convinced that they were gods, and nothing could touch them. They continued to treat that student badly. Of course, they treated everyone else with distain as well. One day I’d had enough. I took them outside the classroom individually, and told them that in my classroom everyone gets treated with respect. If they weren’t willing to do that, then I would have them removed, which would mean they’d have to make up the English class. I left the choice up to them. If I saw improvement in their behavior, we’d say no more about it. Otherwise they were out. They straightened up. Part of what made that work was their eligibility to play football during their senior year.

They stopped harassing the student they thought was gay during class time. I don’t know what happened outside of class.

Something happened to me during that incident. I had to accept that the two football players were probably not going to change their minds about gay people just because I said they should. The only thing I could do was to protect the other student, and show as much respect for everyone in the class as possible. Maybe it made a difference, maybe it didn’t. I’ll never know. However, by the end of the school year, the relationships among the students seemed to be much more amicable.

My dad was right. We can’t change someone else. We can only change ourselves. That’s been a big lesson in all my relationships, but particularly in my marriage. Like most of us, I thought once Barry and I got married, life would be perfect. But, of course, it soon wasn’t perfect. Over the years, I’ve learned that if I want Barry to love and accept me, I’ve got to stop expecting him to be someone other than who he is, and I’ve got to love him the way I want to be loved. I’ve realized that I can’t make him responsible for making me happy. Being happy is my job, not his.

Having written all that, I have to admit, that staying silent about issues as big as the way we treat others from different races, creeds and genders, isn’t good. We have to speak up. We have to engage in discussion. We have to look at our own attitudes, and admit when we’re wrong. We also have to treat the people who are racist, and full of hate with the kind of respect we wish they’d show to others, even though we’d like to punch them out.

Not long ago there was a great example of that. The Pastor of the Kansas church that makes a practice of demonstrating at funerals, showing signs full of hate, died. I’m sorry I don’t remember his name or the name of his church. This group was particularly hateful toward gays. A large group of people got together for a different kind of demonstration at his funeral. They stood outside the church, with signs of love. They could have returned hate with hate. But they didn’t. They turned the other cheek and returned hate with love. I don’t know if that act of kindness will make a difference in the lives of the people of that congregation or not. I do know that being kind to someone has a better chance of affecting change than treating them with hate. Treating someone who’s mean and hateful with love is a lot harder to do than lashing out in anger, but it’s the only way I know to bring about positive change.

You Get More With Honey

“It’s not what enters men’s mouths that’s evil. It’s what comes out of their mouths that is.” –Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.” –Virginia Woolf

Recent events, and subsequent comments about them in the media have got my ire up. A white man, Donald Sterling, shows his true colors, and the brouhaha is on. In an” Open Letter to White People: Why I’m Donald Sterling and So Are You,” The gist was that all white people are racist, and we’d better admit it. What made me so irritated wasn’t what the author wrote, but the tone of the article. If you want to influence people, you get more with honey than you do with vinegar.

I’m not saying that this article is completely wrong. What I’m saying is that if you want us to take a good hard look at ourselves,accusing all whites of being racist is the wrong approach. In fact, EVERY SINGLE PERSON on this planet, except for those who are enlightened, like Jesus, Buddha and others have been, carry some kind of prejudice around with them. And we ALL need to check ourselves for prejudices of all kinds.

I know I’m not perfect, but I am continually working on becoming more open and loving. I’m always double checking my attitudes. I’m working on myself, so that I can be an influence for good in the world, and help humanity evolve to a deeper level of being. And I don’t believe in the “when one person messes up, everyone in the class gets punished,” mentality. So, I get angry when someone tells me I’m prejudiced just because I’m white.

We can’t know what is in the deepest heart of another person. To lump an entire group together, and accuse them of having exactly the same feelings, is unrealistic. Not all Germans are bad, because Hitler was the leader of Germany during WWII. Not all people from Arab nations are bad because those who were behind the 911 tragedy were from Arab countries. Not all Mexicans are in this country illegally. Not all Black people are gang members, and commit crimes. Not all Asians are smart, and make cheap products that fall apart the first time you use them. Not all white people feel entitled because they’re white. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

We have a lot of problems in this world. As I see it, the only way to solve them is for every single person to take a close look at themselves, as the article suggests. If we take care of the mess in our own backyard, and every single person does that, it makes solving the world wide problems so much easier.

In my opinion, we need to thank the Donald Sterlings in our world. They point out areas in our society where we still have work to do. He’s not the only one who has made comments that we need to be scrutinizing. There are lots of intolerant people mouthing off in the media. We need to be examining what they’re saying as well, and checking our attitudes about their points of view. They are showing us areas in our society where we need to work on becoming more tolerant of the plight of others.

I know this much about myself, when I’m judgmental of other people’s actions, I’m doing that because they’re showing me an area of my life that I don’t want to look at. I’m trying to blame them for the mess in my own backyard. If I resist hiding my head in the sand, and look at my faults, my heart opens up. I understand myself, and the faults of others.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone needs to accept responsibility for what they do. But, if we’ve done our own work, it’s easier to have compassion for someone when they mess up. We are after all, imperfect human beings.

I read another article last week that helped me feel better about what’s going on in the world. The title is “7 Things Self-Actualized People Do Differently” It’s an article that gives us all something to shoot for in our self-improvement journey. If we can achieve the seven states of being described in this article, we’ll be contributing to the growth of the human race.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014
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Keeping Promises to Myself

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” –Thomas Edison

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” –Confucius

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” –Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

A year ago today, I heard a small voice tell me to begin Sage Woman Chronicles. After a year, I’m even more committed to continuing these weekly posts than I was a year ago. I’ve learned so much about myself. Isn’t that what a grand adventure is supposed to do? Some would say that sitting at home writing a blog, and a novel, as in my case, isn’t a grand adventure. But, in the novel, The Alchemist, which I just finished reading, the Shepherd learns to listen to his heart, and look for omens that send him off to the next step in his journey. For some people that looks really big. For others, like me it’s smaller. The point is that each of us has a purpose, and if we don’t fulfill that purpose, a piece of the big cosmic puzzle is missing.

I don’t mean to discourage any of you, but it took me about thirty years to hear my heart, and allow myself to become who I was meant to be. I’m a late bloomer. Now that I’ve overcome the inner critic, the fear of stepping into the unknown, and started my writing career, I’m so much happier. I feel free.

It hasn’t been easy. I had to do a lot of self-examination, and healing. Finally, I was ready to embrace the real me. And miraculously, one day I saw two roads stretched out in front of me, calling to me to make a decision. For years I’d buried my desire to be a writer. When I looked down the writer road, I was filled with elation. The other road made me feel like I had a stone in my belly.

I often wonder if other people get feelings in the pit of their stomach when they make big decisions. Are we so desensitized that we’re out of touch with our own feelings. I can understand if that’s how things are for you. It takes courage to face up to our emotions, the good and the bad. So many tragedies have happened over the last decades that most of us are shell shocked. But, here’s the thing, stuffing your feelings, and pretending they won’t resurface is a fallacy. The only way to move forward, and be happy is to face what happened good and bad. As my sister says, “You’ve got to throw out your trash”. I can speak from experience. If you throw out your trash, you’ll feel much lighter, life will become more joyous, and you’ll find the courage to follow your dreams.

Last week, I completed the second round of revisions on my novel. It’s about a woman named Jenna, who’s life crashes, causing her to face herself, and build a new life. She gets lots of help along the way. I’m including a scene in today’s post, which happens near the end of the book. I’m not sure if I’ll keep it in the manuscript. However, it sums up part of what happens because Jenna chooses to follow the omens that lead to the fulfillment of her dreams.

Jenna was glad that she had an entourage of spirit help the first time she came face to face with Fletcher and Mr. Drayton in court. Anger and hatred emanated in huge waves of black swirls toward her as she took the stand to testify. At first she was terrified. Never had she felt so much animosity from anyone. But, as she was being sworn in, she was encircled in a protective dome of light. Each time the black swirls shot out from the two men, they dissipated when they touched her protective dome. For months, and years, she’d felt slimy, and defiled after each encounter with these men. Now she knew why.

At one point during her testimony, she was asked to look over at the men to identify them. When she did so, she saw that they were surrounded by spirits trying to get through their barrier of hatred, to no avail. All of a sudden the dread of seeing them in person again faded, and the dream she’d had of them being sucked into the darkness, returned as vivid as it’d been that night all those months ago. She’d lived in their shut-off world before Black Friday. Thank heavens she’d found Morgan’s journals that had guided her toward the light. All she felt for Fletcher and Mr. Drayton was sorrow. How sad that they didn’t know all the love that awaited them.

When she’d given her testimony, she went back to her seat next to Jack. The trial was nearly over. From what she’d heard, the outcome was pretty clear. They’d know very soon now, as the closing arguments were set for the next day.

That night, at Ben and Joan’s apartment, Jenna told the others about her experience, and about her dream.

“Man, you have the most interesting experiences. My life seems so boring by comparison,” said Joan.

“Well, I wouldn’t recommend having your life crash down around you as a personal growth tool,” said Jenna. “But, I guess it all depends on how stubborn you are. I was pretty stubborn.”

“Fletcher and Drayton are even more stubborn than you were Sweetie,” said Jack. “It was nasty just being in the same room with them. I pity the jury. They must be getting an extra dose of hatred sent their way.”

“Maybe I don’t want to go tomorrow after all,” said Joan. “But, I told Mr. Winston, I wanted to be there to hear the verdict. He agreed.”

“I’ll be glad to have you there,” Jenna said.

“I wish I could go, but I’ve got a big meeting with a client,” said Ben. “I want to hear all the details.”

The next day the courtroom was packed. Jenna, Jack, and Joan got there early to be sure to get seats. The back of the room was full of reporters from all over the country. This was big news.

The prosecutors final remarks were short, and to the point. However, the defense attorney’s remarks dragged on. He tried to refute all the evidence that had been presented. According to The Oregonian articles Jenna had read about the trial, his efforts were futile. Finally, the jury was given their charge by the Judge, and court was adjourned while they deliberated. Joan took Jack and Jenna to a new coffee shop near the courthouse. Half an hour later, they were called back. The jury was ready to pronounce their verdict.

“I think that’s one of the shortest deliberations I’ve ever seen,” said Jack. “And I’ve testified in some open, and shut cases. This wasn’t an easy, or a short trial. They must have made up their minds at some point during the testimony.”

The three friends slipped into their seats just as the Judge was entering the courtroom. He banged his gavel for silence. The jury filed in.

“Mr. Foreman, have you reached a verdict?” asked the Judge.

“We have your Honor.” The Foreman handed a slip of paper to the Bailiff, who took it to the Judge. The Judge read it, then handed it back to the Bailiff, who took it back to the Foreman.

“Will the defendants please rise,” said the Judge.

The Draytons stood with impassive faces.

“Please read the verdict, Mr. Foreman.”

“We the jury find the defendants guilty on all counts,” said the Foreman.

The courtroom erupted into cheers, and chatter. Photographers took photos of the shocked faces of the two men. Jenna noticed that the the black swirls, which had emanated from them toward the jury, were quickly sucked in close to their bodies.

The Judge banged his gavel. “Silence.” When everyone was again seated, and quiet the Judge said, “Thank you jury for your verdict. I set the date for sentencing for a week from today. Court is dismissed.”

Jenna was surprised to find herself surrounded by photographers as she, Joan, and Jack left the courtroom.

“Oh oh,” said Joan. “I didn’t see this coming. I’ll run, and get the car so we can make a quick get away.” She pushed her way through the crowd, and disappeared.

Reporters were pointing microphones in Jenna’s face. The barrage of questions was so intense that she couldn’t make coherent sense out of anything anyone was saying. Jack with his arm around her, was shielding her as they made slow progress out of the courtroom, down the corridor, and down the courthouse steps. As they descended, they veered to the left to avoid the podium set up at the bottom with the Prosecutor standing in front of it about to hold a press conference. He whispered to one of his colleagues, who rushed over toward them.

“Mr. Ross would like you to be a part of the press conference. He says it was your testimony that brought such a quick verdict.”

“Tell him thank you, but no. I’m glad it’s over. He can take all the credit.”

“Okay, but he’ll be disappointed.”

As the young man ran back to the podium, Jack said, “Let’s get out of here quick, before he comes back.” He steered Jenna toward the corner closest to the parking garage exit. In a matter of moments, Joan was heading up the ramp. Jack opened the back door. Jenna, and he jumped in. Joan turned right into traffic.

“Wow, thanks for your quick thinking,” said Jenna. “I had no idea we’d be mobbed.”

“Me either,” said Jack. “Though I should have. Without you, the Draytons might never have been caught.”

“Where do you want to go?” asked Joan.

“Home to Roseburg.” said Jenna

Like Jenna, I hope you find the courage to follow your dreams. The world needs what you have to offer.

The End of a project: What’s Next?

“For masterpieces are not single and solitary births: they are the outcome of many years of thinking in common, of thinking by the body of the people…so that the experience of the mass is behind the single voice.” –Virginia Woolf

“Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” –Anne Frank

“The only way to enjoy anything in life is to earn it first.” –Ginger Rogers

“To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy.” –Bette Davis

Humans are interesting. Do you do this? You’ve been working on a big project. It’s a success, but instead of feeling joy, you feel a big let down? I do it all the time. Whenever a play I’ve been directing ends its run, I feel both happy, and sad. I’m happy that the play was a success, but sad because the associations are over. I won’t be working with the actors, and crew again, perhaps forever. And as my college mentor used to say, I’ll miss the characters. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that success is an ephemeral thing. The good feelings don’t last forever, and there is so much more to me, than the things I’ve accomplished.

This week, my emotions have been bouncing around, which is unusual for me. I’ve felt elated, frustrated, sad and lost, all because my novel is nearing completion. Four or five people are reading it to help me improve the storyline. I’m anxious to get their comments back. One minute, I’m sure they won’t like it, and I’ll have to do major revisions before it can be published. The next, I’m sure the basic story is good, and I’ll only need to make minor revisions. I’m excited to be close to completing the work after four plus years. However, I also feel uncertain. What will my next novel be about?

I hadn’t thought of doing a series of books when I began this novel, but I understand why they’re so popular. I’ve become attached to my characters. I’m not sure I want to let them go just yet. Then, I do this funny thing after seeing a movie, play, or reading a book I love, I think about what would happen to the characters after I’ve seen the last frame, or read the last page. What will their lives be like? What other adventures will they enjoy?

I’ve been thinking those thoughts about the characters in my book. I did set up the possibility of a second, and possibly third novel with this same set of characters, but I wasn’t seriously thinking about writing sequels until this past week.

What prompted me to consider writing a series of books, is due to two things. First, two of the very minor characters in the book are Suffragettes. The other had to do with reading “A Room of One’s Own”, by Virginia Woolf, my book club group selection for this month. It’s considered a feminist document simply because she’s reflecting on what a woman needs to express her genius in the same way men have been able to do for centuries. (Side note: She’s not anti-men in her reflections, which I thoroughly appreciated. The men in my life, are fantastic, and highly supportive.)

So, I’ve been thinking about going back to those Suffragette characters, and exploring how they made a difference for women like me; women who want to develop their creative skills, and be more than just a housewife and mother.

What’s interesting about this budding idea is that, for most of my life, my close friends were men. I went to two different high schools, and had one woman friend at each one. The rest of my friends were young men, and I don’t mean the men I dated. It was the same in college. Of course, that was because my first degree was in Religious Studies, as I’ve written before, and I was the only woman in most of the classes. It’s only been in the last few years, that I’ve had close women friends. So, I’ve got this growing idea to do some exploring about the roles of women in society, and how we’ve changed it.

As of today, I haven’t made up my mind about what my next writing project will be. All I know, is that I’m going to begin another novel project right away. I won’t be able to improve my skills by sitting around waiting for book sales. One thing I’ve learned since I began this writing adventure is that I must do the work. That’s what gives me joy, and makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. What makes you want to get out of bed every morning?

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