What We can Learn from the Movies

“You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s problems are answered in the movies.” –Steve Martin

“Movies can and do have tremendous influence in shaping young lives in the realm of entertainment towards the ideals and objectives of normal adulthood.” –Walt Disney

“I’m just his father, Eliza, not his conscience. A man’s life ain’t worth a hill of beans except he lives up to his own conscience.” –Jess Birdwell, as played by Gary Cooper in Friendly Persuasion

Dad Sage for Memorial

I love movies. I admit it, though sometimes it’s hard to justify why. I’m very picky about the movies I watch, because I think there are movies that add something to your life, and some that take away from it.

So much discussion these days centers around the violence in movies and how it affects young people negatively. Yes, that can be true. Anything can be used for good, or ill. Movies are no different. What I want to know is, do you watch what’s popular just because it is popular, or do you pick and choose what you watch carefully? Do you allow your children to watch whatever they want, without being there to help them make sense of what happens in the movie or TV show? Whether we want to admit it or not, we’re affected by what we watch, and we can be affected in positive as well as negative ways. I knew this instinctively, but it always helps when you have a scientific study to back you up.

I get Jurgen Wolff’s daily post, “Time to Write”. On Saturday, he had the perfect Valentines Day article. I was intrigued by the title, “How movies can help prevent divorce (no joke!)” Yay validation! Watching movies can be a positive learning activity. I always knew that, because growing up we’d watch TV and movies as a family and discuss them, but I’ll tell that story later in the post.

This is the statistic from the study Wolff quoted that I loved, “The findings show that an inexpensive, fun, and relatively simple movie-and-talk approach can be just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods—reducing the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after three years.” The title of the article is, “Divorce Rate Cut in Half for Couples who Discussed Relationship Movies.” Here’s the link to read the article for yourself. They provide lists of movies, and guided discussion questions at: http://www.rochester.edu/news/divorce-rate-cut-in-half-for-couples-who-discussed-relationship-movies/index.html The contact person on the website is: Susan Hagen. You can even become a part of their study.

What I found particularly interesting was what Jurgen Wolff wrote at the end of his post. He said he thought that this method could be particularly helpful in shaping the behavior of children. And that’s the thing I’d like to comment upon.

That’s exactly how I was raised! We didn’t have much money when I was growing up, so TV was a big source of entertainment. We watched all kinds of shows including the news together as a family. As I’ve written before, I’m a Baby Boomer, so we saw many things as they were happening on the news that would be censored or edited today. My parents didn’t have college degrees, but they were open minded and wanted to make sure we had a good foundation about life. To that end, we discussed everything we watched. My dad was big on asking questions about everything. He’d challenge the slant on the news, he’d question documentaries, he observed the behavior of characters in the movies and TV shows we watched. He asked his questions, because he was infinitely curious. Often he’d want to know what we thought, and that would start a discussion. Because of my parents, I learned critical thinking skills. I also learned how to analyze the motivations behind human behavior. What a gift my parents gave me.

In this age when we are all on our separate devices, connecting with our friends, coming together to watch a movie can be a great way to make connections with our family members. To encourage that, starting today, I’m going to suggest movies that I think will be fun for families to share, and that will promote wonderful conversations, and learning experiences.

The first movie I’ll suggest was one of my father’s favorites: Friendly Persuasion, with Gary Cooper and Dorothy McGuire, released in 1956. It’s about a Quaker family in Indiana in 1862. The Civil War is raging. Their religion teaches that violence and war are not acceptable. The story shows how each member of the family, and wider community responds to the crisis when a battle begins close to home. The oldest son, played by Anthony Perkins, goes against the teachings of his religion, and goes into battle with the militia to protect his family, and his community. He learns a great deal about himself from that experience. The movie is filled with incidents where each family member learns what it means to live a peaceful life. It’s easy to profess beliefs, not always so easy to live up to them. In my opinion, the message of the movie is that outward peace only comes from inner peace.

Friendly Persuasion was nominated for six Academy Awards, two for director/producer William Wyler, one for best screenplay by Michael Wilson. Though, ironically at the time, Wilson was blacklisted and so couldn’t receive the award or even have his name appear in the list of nominees. And one nomination for Anthony Perkins for Best Supporting Actor. In this day and age, when so many of us are tired of war, and long for peace, this movie could present a way to examine how to bring that peace about.

If you choose to watch this movie with your family, you could begin your discussion with the various characters and how they react or respond to the situations in which they find themselves. For example, in one scene the mother, played by Dorothy McGuire, tries to talk her son out of going to fight with the militia. She wants him to embrace peace, but in a very subtle way, she’s coercing her son to choose the path she wants him to take. Another character, who is a Quaker, professes to love peace, but when his barn is burned down by Confederate soldiers, he willingly and angrily  picks up a gun to go fight, and condemns Gary Cooper’s character for not doing so. The movie is full of those kinds of teachable moments. And think how much fun it will be to have an old fashioned movie night with your family.

I’d love to hear how it goes.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014

Creating is an Inner Journey

“Traveler, there is no path, the path must be forged as you walk.” -Poet Antonio Machado

“The scariest moment is always just before you start.” -Stephen King

“I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp.”-Somerset Maugham

“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.” -Albert Camus

Cochise College Roses

So do you do what I do, read books that speak to your inner struggles? It’s one of my favorite personal growth tools, so, I don’t know why I’m surprised when I get an insight from a book that metaphorically fell off the shelf and hit me on the head.

Last week I read The War of Art: Break through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles. by Steven Pressfield and the week before that I read Daring Greatly by Dr. Brené Brown. Of course, they each spoke to the exact issues I’ve been mulling over for quite some time.

In The War of Art, Pressfield writes about the struggles creatives face when our inner voice calls to us to write that manuscript, design that building or paint that painting but we fail to do it. He calls it resistance, others call it their inner critic, and some call it laziness. Brené Brown suggests that shame plays a big part of our resistance to be our true selves.

Whatever it is, I know exactly what it feels like, because most of my life, I’ve been doing battle with it. At a fairly early age, some part of me knew that if I was going to accomplish anything, I was going to have to learn to love and respect myself first. If I didn’t I’d be just a complaining lump of human misery my entire life. That definitely didn’t feel good. So, learning self-love was the first thing I set out to do.

Along the way I always sought ways to be creative. That just felt like a good place to begin. Fortunately I found my muse, as Pressfield calls our co-creating companion. Her voice was that quiet inner voice that encouraged me to keep trying to discover who I am and why I’m here.

It was the muse’s voice that told me to join my college acting troupe, where I’d learn essential lessons for life; one of the most valuable was self-confidence. Before I became an actress, I felt shame whenever I made any kind of mistake. In the theatre, mistakes happen during a performance, but you go on with the play no matter what. In most cases, the audience doesn’t know you messed up. They’re too involved in the magic of the play. The day I understood that, was a great day!

Keeping a journal is another tool I use. It’s no coincidence that I began keeping a journal at almost the exact same time I began my life in the theatre. They worked in perfect harmony helping me let go of having to be perfect.

Sharing my struggles with my fellow artists has been another wonderful tool. I’ve found that each person has to forge their own way to self-love. Some have a harder time than others. Each artist is on a separate path, but we can support each other along the way.

Now, after all these years, I’m much more comfortable with who I am, and my creative process. I learned one of the great lessons Pressfield expounds upon in his book. To be a professional in any line of work, you have to overcome resistance and commit to doing that work every single day. When I read that section of his book, it was like graduation day. I’d found that path for myself and begun to do it all on my own.

What I’ve learned is that writing every day, gives me a reason to get up in the morning. Now instead of lists running through my head upon waking, I have ideas for what I plan to write that day. I have to say, that’s much nicer than waking up to the list of what I need to accomplish.

Waking up with lists in my head makes me feel anxious. It’s as if some cosmic list keeper is judging me if I don’t accomplish everything I have planned to do that day.

Waking up with ideas for writing projects is comforting. The muse is trusting me to share her insights with the world. I’m grateful for every step of my journey that led me to her.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014

The Terror of Winning

“Traveler, there is no path, the path must be forged as you walk.” -Poet Antonio Machado

“Awards are so unnecessary because I think we get so much out of our work just by doing it. The work is a reward in itself.” -Natalie Portman.

“Awards are wonderful. I’ve been nominated many times and won many awards. But my journey is not towards that. If it happens it will be a blast. If it doesn’t, it’s still been a blast.” -Tom Cruise

 2013 Mayor's Arts Award Pottery Studio

This past Sunday, my husband won one of the annual Mayor’s Arts Awards in our city. Well, the pottery studio he founded won the award for Art organization that has made a significant contribution to the city and the surrounding county. It was a lovely event with five arts awards, and two humanities awards given to individuals and organizations.

It was lovely, and it made me uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of my husband and his colleagues who make such a difference. I was proud of the way my husband, an introvert like I am, handled all the praise. He was gracious, humble and accepted the praise without deflecting it onto someone else. What made me uncomfortable is remembering how it feels to win an award, or even to receive praise.

I don’t do well with having huge amounts of praise heaped upon me, or having all the attention focused in my direction. If I’m teaching a class, or acting in a play, or some activity like that, I feel different about getting attention. In those instances, I’m encouraging learning, or I’m playing another person. So, the focus isn’t on me personally. But, when someone singles me out, especially in public to give me specific praise, I want to duck for cover.

I’ve just finished reading Daring Greatly by Dr. Brené Brown, and I have to acknowledge that I do the “foreboding joy” thing when I receive praise of any kind. Foreboding joy is when something wonderful happens to you, or you feel great love or joy, and immediately you feel that some disaster is going to befall you if you lean into the good feelings. Even in little things, like when a student tells me they like the way I teach the class, I feel a twinge of discomfort before thanking them. When the praise is about a big thing, I almost feel physical pain. Here’s an example. I directed The Wizard of Oz last spring at a local elementary school. Almost all the children in the school were in the play, over two-hundred students. I got lots of praise, and it was easier to accept because of the personal work I’ve been doing, but when the praise came, I still deflected it to all the people who worked hard on the production. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a good idea to give credit where credit is due. Nevertheless, I have trouble acknowledging my own talents. It was a huge undertaking, no one involved, except me, had ever directed such a large theatrical production. It could have bombed, but it was a success, because of my years of directing experience, and because I asked for, and got lots of help. I love that collaborative process of theatre, because I’m not out there doing the creating all on my own.

Writing is a completely different matter. The words on the page come from me, or my muse, and no one else. I can’t hide behind a collaborative group of people.

As I write this post, I’m in the process of revising my first novel. It’ll be published later this year. Yes, I have readers and editors helping me, but I’m the one who created the work. I hadn’t been thinking much about getting an award for it. Then just last week, I got an email from our POD representative about this years IPPY awards. He was letting us know about the awards for independently published books, and that just happened to coincide with the pottery studio award that my husband was going to accept. Of course, in my fanciful mind, I went off on a tangent thinking what I’d do if I ever won an award for my writing. How would I feel? I know I’d cry and not be cool, calm and collected. I’d probably be like Jennifer Lawrence and trip up the steps on my way to the podium. Somehow after reading both Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, I’d be okay with that. Jennifer Lawrence, was cool, because she acknowledged how embarrassing it was to trip, and then she went on with accepting the award. She allowed herself to be imperfect. I liked that.

When Brené Brown was on Oprah’s Life Class, she said (I’m paraphrasing) “I’d mapped out a pretty small life for myself. Then my TED-X talk went viral, and I had to lean into vulnerability and acknowledge that I had to dare greatly and risk much so I could affect change and help people.”

Man can I relate to that. I’ve lived a pretty small and invisible life. And now I’m becoming a writer, and putting my work out into the world. I’ve had to embrace being vulnerable, risk failure, and criticism. My work may never go viral, but it’s still being read by people I don’t know, like many of you. That’s scary and exciting at the same time. And when people leave comments on my posts, I get a chance to examine my point of view. I get to expand my view of the world. Sure, I may get nasty comments too, but as my dad used to say, “People who hurt others are wounded themselves.” When I get those negative comments, I’ll allow myself to feel the pain, work through my process, and then move on.

Whether or not I win awards for my writing, I’m willing to come out of my shell, and offer my work to the people who will read it.  I hope that I can affect you and them in positive ways.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014

Cooperation Not Competition

“If your vision is one year, plant rice. If your vision is ten years, plant trees. If your vision is one-hundred years, educate your children in the arts.” -Chinese Proverb.

“Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life.” -Oscar Wilde

“An artist is not paid for his labor, but for his vision.” -James Whistler

“There IS no weakness in having a theatre background. There is only strength.” -Brian Sibley

Marco Polo

Every once in awhile something happens that prompts me to get up on my soap box about how under appreciated the Arts are in this country. The other day I was at a meeting of English, Communication and Theatre instructors at the local community college where I teach part-time. One of the instructors brought up the fact that English and communications are required classes for every degree. But I was thinking, why aren’t the Arts also required. In my humble opinion you can learn a great deal about yourself by creating a work of art.

Now, I have to admit that I was influenced by a wonderful blog post I’d read recently, by Brian Sibley, titled, “9 Ways a Theatre Degree Trumps a Business Degree.” His blog, Change Agent, is available on WordPress. Here’s the link to the post I mention in case you want to read it for yourself: http://changeagent.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/9-ways-a-theatre-degree-trumps-a-business-degree/

I agree with Brian in so many ways, it’s almost as if I wrote the blog post myself. Theatre teaches critical thinking skills, how to think on your feet, how to gain insights into what makes humans tick, how to be resourceful, and creative. It also teaches, self-discipline, self-awareness, and self-esteem.

The common wisdom is that playing a team sport does all those things for you, and I’m not saying they don’t, but sports are about competition. The performing arts teach cooperation. Dr. Brené Brown writes in Daring Greatly, “We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” That passage resonates with my life experiences. I feel bad when I’m in competition with someone, and good when we’re cooperating. After a theatrical performance, there are no riots, because one actor did a better job than another. Most of the time people leave the theatre feeling good, thoughtful, and enriched with a new perspective. I’m not sure we have those feelings after any kind of sporting event, especially when our team loses.

Okay, enough complaining. Since we live in a bottom-line culture, I’ll get to the bottom-line of why having two theatre degrees has been good for me.

It’s helped me in my personal and work relationships. Actors and directors learn to analyze the motivations of the characters in the play, which helps us understand the motivations of the people we come in contact with every day. Understanding human nature helps me communicate better. I’ve also learned how to read body language, which comprises 95% of our communication. We think words are of vital importance; we learn more from non-verbal clues, if we’re paying attention. Theatre also taught me how to express myself in more effective ways, because part of the acting process is to listen, think about what was said, then decide how to respond. That’s a good practice in every day life too.

One of the most important things I learned from my theatre experiences is to think critically. A group of people take a play look at all the “problems” that have to be solved in order for the production to be a success. They tackle each one, and little-by-little the production comes together until opening night when the audience tells them whether or not they did a good job. This kind of work is internal. It doesn’t show up on a spread sheet in neat little columns. To quote Brian Sibley, “You have to make tremendous inferences and intellectual leaps…” to make the production a success. In other words, you have to think outside the box. In my opinion, we could use a lot more of those people in all kinds of business endeavors.

Finally, I have to mention how good being involved in the Arts is for self-esteem. I’ve had students who were shy, or not interested in school, or who needed a place to belong, who blossomed as a result of taking drama, or getting involved in their local theatre troupe. Being an artist uses a very different skill set than being a scientist, mathematician, jock, computer nerd, or working with your hands. In most of those fields, the work that’s done is quantifiable.The effect of a work of art on both the audience and the performers isn’t measurable. Yet, would we give up going to the movies, concerts, art galleries, dance recitals, or plays because we can’t define what it is we get out of those events? Every parent who goes to see their child perform, is proud beyond measure, and that’s as it should be. Their pride and the child’s achievement can’t be measured, but it still enriches.

So, the next time you’re thinking that your school district should cut the art, band, choir, dance or theatre program, just remember that you’ll be denying an entire student population of that school district a chance to gain confidence, and learn some great skills that they will use their entire lives.

And I’ll end by saying, I think every college and university student should be required to take theatre classes as part of their degree program. After all, aren’t we tired of the lack of communication in business, and particularly in our government. People in every profession can use the empathy and critical thinking skills they could learn from involvement in the Arts.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014

Words, Words, Words

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”- Ann Landers

  Monument fire begins June 2011

Ack, that whole Duck Dynasty controversy! What a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. I don’t watch the show, but, okay, so the guy showed us who he is. We all do that by what we say and do. He can’t be anything other than who he is and that goes for everyone else. Yes, he’s now a public figure. He’s probably not used to having everything he says and does scrutinized, and he’s not the first public figure to put his foot in it. I’m not saying I agree with him, but crimeny, what did the controversy accomplish? I was thinking about this latest media brouhaha, and then the other day in my writer’s group, we were discussing what can happen when you put yourself out into the world, and you get negative feedback.

One of our members has a new business, Love Based Leadership, with a book and newsletter of the same name. Recently, she began publishing short videos with leadership tips. During our meeting, she told us about some negative comments she’d received about her videos, and her process in dealing with them. Of course, at first she was devastated. We all want to be liked and supported. But here’s the thing, there’s no way we can please all the people all the time. At some point someone’s going to get rubbed the wrong way about what we’re doing, and they’ll say something. This is the thing we agreed upon, when someone says negative things to us, they’re telling us about themselves and their point of view. What they say has nothing to do with us.

Everyone has a unique perspective on the world. So, when I’m talking with anyone in private or in public, I have to remember that there will be people who won’t have the same viewpoint I do, and they may speak up and tell me what they think. The same goes for this blog, or my books. When I get a negative comment, I get to choose if I’ll react, or respond. As Wayne Dyer says, “We choose whether or not to be offended.” Does being offended by what someone else says, serve any purpose? Some people just thrive on controversy. However, there may be times, when speaking up helps raise public awareness, but most of the time it just causes a bigger fracas, which serves no one.

And another thing, when I’m challenged, I have a chance to assess the situation. Am I being challenged by someone who is open minded and willing to have a calm exchange of ideas, or not? If not, I steer clear of that person. They are energy vampires. For some reason controversy makes them feel more powerful. It’s an illusion, of course. What it really does is show their vulnerability and fear.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m not stung when someone makes a nasty comment about something I’ve created. My ego is just as fragile as most people’s. However, I have learned to take a breath and work through my hurt feelings. That’s what we were talking about in my writer’s group. How to overcome those terrible feelings when someone doesn’t appreciate what we have to offer. It takes practice to allow others to have their own point of view. It also takes practice not to be hurt when someone doesn’t like us, but it can be accomplished.

The bottom line is this: When we put ourselves out in the wider world, the negative comments are reminders that we’re doing something right. I mean, who wants to be a milk-toast and never get noticed? I have to remind myself, that what I’m doing is important, even if it’s just for my own soul development. Since that’s the case, I’m determined not to let anyone stop me from following my inner voice. I hope you won’t let anyone stop you either.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014