Character and Character

Caring Hands

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“A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.” ~ Charles Spurgeon

“There will be times in your life that you will be challenged to choose between honor and something else. I am asking that you not sacrifice your honor for the sake of acquiring easy things.” ~ Idowu Koyenikan, Wealth for All: Living a Life of Success at the Edge of Your Ability 

“All tales, then, are at some level a journey into the woods to find the missing part of us, to retrieve it and make ourselves whole. Storytelling is as simple – and complex – as that. That’s the pattern. That’s how we tell stories.” ~ John Yorke, Into the Woods: A Five Act Journey Into Story

The first meaning of character is: “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.”

The second is: “a person in a novel, play, or movie: a part played by an actor.”

It seems to me that a lot of the news stories that come out on a daily basis are about character. How what politicians, judges, business leaders and even ordinary people say and do give us a clue about their values and morals. 

What qualities do people with good character have and how can we foster it in our children? I hinted at this in last week’s post about what we learn in kindergarten, but there is another way. If we examine the stories we consume, we have lots of examples of good and bad personal character. I write that because I began analyzing stories with my family at a fairly young age. Eventually I realized that gave me a wonderful education in what kind of person I wanted to be.

The process an actor goes through to understand her or his character is extensive. They look at what the character says and does, and why, to discover their moral bent, their mental/emotional state, and to get clues about their past that might be affecting the present of the story. Examining all of these things, and more, helps the actor make the best choices in his or her portrayal. 

In some sectors of society, acting is looked at as a trivial pursuit. After all lives are not being saved. And yet maybe they are. People who analyze stories understand human behavior and the good ones apply what they’ve learned in their lives away from the stage. As I used to tell my acting students, “You’ll be learning skills in this class that you will be able to use in your real life.” Knowing something about character analysis is particularly helpful if you’re a leader of some sort. You can look behind the behaviors of those who work for you and perhaps help the ones who need it instead of writing them off and firing them.

Understanding human behavior is also helpful during conflict with another person. The skills of looking beneath the surface kick in and you can think of the possible reasons this person is angry, or upset. I’ve used this tool often. Taking a breath and not reacting right away helps. Most times the other person stops yelling at you, wondering why you’re not engaging. In the silence you can say very calmly, “You’re really upset. Is there something I can do to help you?” Saying something like that usually causes the person to calm down enough so you can get to what’s bothering them. The key is to stay calm. 

Each of us decides at some point what kind of mental and moral qualities we’re going to develop. In some cases, this is an unexamined choice. However, it’s becoming more common to encourage people to examine what happens to them and how they feel about it. One tool is to keep a journal. A journal, unlike a diary, is a chronicle of our thoughts and feelings about what we experience. I don’t know about you, but in my journal I’m asking myself questions about the choices I’ve made and how they affected not only me, but those around me. I also ask questions about what’s happening in the world and how I can effect change. One answer that keeps coming back to me is to work on myself. Doing that creates a ripple effect. My life touches other lives, hopefully in a positive way, which might help them figure something out that they’ve been working on, and so on and so on. We can create positive ripples, or negative ones. It’s up to us.

I’m old enough to have seen lots of struggles for human rights on the one hand and corruption on the other. I’ve seen people, corporations, and governments choose money and power over people. But it seems to me things are changing, all be it slowly, toward choosing humans over the glitz and glamour, power and prestige. Maybe it’s because more and more people are choosing honor, love and caring over something else. 

For me, stories give us a myriad of examples of characters and the consequences of their choices. As we read, or watch, we get to choose the ones we want to emulate. 

Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting. I hope things are going well in your world.

Blessings,

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2023

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories and what I can learn from them that I created the Story-Power podcast and Patreon communities so I’d have an excuse to talk story. You may have seen my Story-Power posts here. If you’re passionate about stories too, and want to talk about your favorite stories, come join me at patreon.com/StoryPower.

Saving the World One Story at a Time

Dale Carnegie wrote in his book How To Win Friends and Influence People, “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’” 

That’s why I’m hooked on stories. I get to watch the characters go through their emotional ups and downs, try to understand them and by extension, myself. If that sounds like something you’d like to try, you might want to consider taking my course Saving the World One Story at a Time.

Course Code: //www.udemy.com/course/saving-the-world-one-story-at-a-time/?couponCode=SAVINGTHEWORLDJULY23

PodMatch

If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. I call them a dating service for podcasters. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.

What Children Learn and Adults Forget

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One morning last week, I woke up remembering a slim little book published in 1986 titled All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, by Robert Fulghum. It’s really a book of observational essays about things he noticed in the world around him or about things he’d been thinking about and the effect those things had upon his life.

What I felt when I remembered the book was that we need more sharing in the world. That’s the first thing on the list of things we learn in kindergarten is to “share everything”.  I’m really good at sharing some things, but not so good at sharing others. I can share books, or my teaching materials, or my time, but I’m not so good at sharing money. That’s not good because I don’t share it when I feel like I don’t have enough. That’s lack thinking and I want to change my mind about that. I’m working on feeling prosperous no matter how much money I have. I mean, compared to some people in the world, I’m wealthy. I have two cars, a beautiful home, food on the table, I have annuities and Social Security. I’m beyond fortunate. One thing I’ve noticed is that giving away money helps me FEEL wealthy.

Some of the other things we learn in kindergarten according to Fughum’s list are, “play fair, don’t hit people, put things back where you found them, and don’t take things that aren’t yours.” It all seems so simple when we’re children. We’re taught to be open hearted and mindful of others feelings but as we grow somehow we forget. Things happen and we begin to protect ourselves. I’m on a mission to go back to being open to all the wonderful things the Universe has to offer me just as children are. It’s something I have to pay attention to every single moment. Those negative thoughts come crashing in and I begin to tense up and become afraid. And then I remember, if I allow it, good people and things will come to me. All I have to do is allow them in.

What kindergarten teachers are really trying to teach is empathy. It is a skill that can be developed to a high degree. Most of us have some measure of empathy. I mean think about a time when someone was yelling at their children in the grocery store, or a restaurant and almost everyone could hear them. How did that make you feel? Did you notice how the atmosphere in the room changed? I cringe just thinking about times like that. That’s my empathy kicking in.

I wish I could remember where I read this, but there was a study done about how people react when they view certain situations, either in real life or on the screen. What the researchers found was that when we witness cruelty or kindness done to others, it’s as if it is done to us. We experience the fight or flight response, or our hearts open to the wonderful feeling of being appreciated. Learning that was sobering, but not a surprising conclusion because I know that I cry when someone else does. I feel the happiness and warmth shared among people when I’m a witness to happy situations. I also feel the opposite when I watch or read a story that is full of hatred and darkness. That’s why I seek out stories that make me feel good. The characters might go through some tough situations, but if they learn something and come out the other side ready to be open hearted and loving, that’s my kind of story. I learn something from what the characters have experienced. 

Reading All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten again has solidified my resolve to be more mindful and loving to others. I don’t pay attention to that often enough. I think we allow life to beat us down so we can fit in. But I’m determined to be better at sharing the good things in life from now on.

Note:I have moved Story-Power to a new hosting site. If you follow it here, it will be available as blog posts, at least for now. However, if you follow on any platform other than Apple, you may need to re-follow it. Spotify is in the process of approving the new RSS URL. It may take a few days to populate the latest episode there. I have also just put Story-Power up on Amazon, you can look for it there if you prefer.

Thanks for reading, liking and commenting. I appreciate your support.

Blessings,

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2023

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories and what I can learn from them that I created the Story-Power podcast and Patreon communities so I’d have an excuse to talk story. You may have seen my Story-Power posts here. If you’re passionate about stories too, and want to talk about your favorites, come join me at patreon.com/StoryPower.

PodMatch

If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. I call them a dating service for podcasters. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.

Power Your Outreach

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Note to my followers: I have moved Story-Power to a new podcast host. If you have followed it on Apple, Google, or Spotify, you will most likely need to click the follow button again. I was unable to do a seamless redirect with the plan I have on WordPress. I apologize for the inconvenience.

I help small and medium-sized companies get ranked at the top of Google by using search engine optimization tactics and bringing in traffic via social media, paid ads, etc.

I am happy to help small and medium-sized companies get ranked at the top of Google by using search engine optimization tactics and bringing in traffic via social media, paid ads, etc.

Check out my podcast episodes, guest appearances, and webinars at https://www.youtube.com/c/BrandonLeibowitz/videos

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PodMatch

This episode is brought to you by PodMatch, the dating service for podcasters. They introduced me to Brandon Leibovitz, and I’m so glad they did. I hope you’ve enjoyed our conversation and remember that if you have a podcast or something to share with the world, check out PodMatch at my affiliate link at PodMatch and tell them Lucinda sent you.

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast and Patreon communities so I’d have an excuse to talk story. You may have seen my Story-Power posts here. If you’re passionate about stories too, and want to talk about your favorite stories, come join me at either SageWoman.life, or patreon.com/StoryPower.

Let’s Get Rid of the Negative Loops in Our Heads

Human Brain Thinking

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“The running thread of A Course in Miracles is the radical idea that I am freed from past ideas.” ~ Pam Grout, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind 

“All matter originates and exits only by virtue of a force … We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.” ~ Max Planck

“We cannot solve our problems with the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Albert Einstein

I don’t share this very often but I’ve been studying a revolutionary book titled,  A Course in Miracles for a number of years. The actual book is a door stopper. It has a text part explaining that we humans have had an incorrect idea of how the world really works for millennia, which is couched in flowery scripture like language. Then at the back are daily lessons to help the student retrain his or her brain to accept the real reality; that what we think is real, is all an illusion that we humans made up for who knows what reason. The Course says our egos made it up to “protect us”. But that’s a big lie because it’s the illusion that the world is a scary place, that when something good happens it won’t be long before it’s followed up by something bad, that we are not worthy of love in any form, but especially from God, and so on. You probably know the drill better than I can write here, because those negative thoughts are always swirling around in your head like they try to do in mine. They are hard to get rid of. It takes vigilance. That’s why I continue to study the course every day. 

In my podcast, Story-Power, I have talked to so many creative people who share how hard it is  to get rid of that nasty little inner critic voice that swears we’re not worthy to be creative. And that if we attempt to share what we create with the world no one will like it. It says it’s telling us this to protect us from getting hurt. That’s all bull hockey!

My favorite version of the lessons are in Pam Grout’s book, The Course in Miracles Experiment. She breaks down the day’s message into regular everyday language, often in funny ways that make them more digestible and accessible. For example, the other day I was reading one of the review lessons. There were two parts, but the second one shot straight to my heart. Now remember, I’ve done this lesson before, but for some reason, this day it meant more to me. The lesson is, “Only good can come to me”. Wow! How often do we tell ourselves that? I did as Pam suggested and made it into a mantra that I say to myself whenever those negative ego messages raise their ugly heads. 

The whole point of the Course is to get us to understand that we’ve accepted a very narrow view of reality. There are so many more possibilities than we normally allow ourselves to think of. The title of the book is the biggest clue, miracles are all around us but most of the time we close down our thinking and fail to see them.

What we think is a really big part of changing our lives from wary and miserable to joyous and abundant with all the things we dream of experiencing. 

If you think what I’m writing is a big crock, go read some articles about what quantum physicists have discovered. Albert Einstein and Max Planck, were two of the first men to state that what we think creates our reality. If you think the world is a scary, dangerous place in which to live, then it will be, for you. On the other hand, if you think it’s a wondrous place full of miracles and happiness, then you’ll attract that into your life. 

Their theories have been around for about 100 years, but we still have a hard time accepting that we’re responsible for “our lot in life”. We’d rather blame someone, or something else.

In today’s lesson, the Course reminds us that “I will be still an instant and go home,” it means that we are capable of connecting with the Divine if we are still and listen. But Pam points out that the time between sleeping and waking in the morning and waking and sleeping at night are the times when we allow ourselves to be connected to the Divine because just a few moments we are disconnected from that silly “asshat”, as she calls our ego. It’s the time of inspiration and she gives three examples of people who claimed that’s when they got their best ideas; August Kukule, the founder of organic chemistry who first envisioned the benzene ring in those moments between sleeping and waking. Also on her list are artist, Salvador Dali, and inventor, Thomas Edison. I bet if we did the research, we could find lots more creatives who claim the same thing. I’m not a well known creative but I get some of my best ideas just as I’m waking up in the morning.

There are a couple more concepts from the Course I want to leave you with today. They have helped me on a number of occasions when I’m feeling particularly upset by personal, or even world events. “Only love is real.” When I want to scream at those who are greedy, or power hungry, or want to curtail the rights of others, I remember, only love is real. What they’re doing is a result of them believing that they have to keep all the toys to protect themselves. But I don’t have to believe that’s real and I can experience miracles no matter what those people are doing. And I remember one other thing from the Course, every single one of us is a part of the Divine. Most of us just don’t know that. So if I attack someone else, I’m attacking myself because we’re all one, part of the big fabric we call Divine Creator. 

The only way we’re going to make this world a paradise is to remember that, “Only love is real, My brother and I are one, Miracles happen every day.” All I have to do is look for the love and miracles and when I do that ripples go out into the world. Eventually those ripples will affect enough people that we’ll make the shift from a world of chaos, to one of peace. 

I know it’s hard to wrap your head around what I’m writing here. I still want to ride the fence and say yes, only love is real, except that I need to set that person straight, or I hope that one gets his or her comeuppance. And then I remember, I have to let go of blame and wanting retribution. That’s why I keep doing the lessons everyday, so I can clear out all the negative thinking I was taught by well meaning people. Since I choose to claim the miracles, I keep practicing the lessons until they are a solid reality for me.

There are lots of great teachers out there with similar messages like Marisa Peer who encourages her clients and students to tell themselves everyday, “I am enough”. That one mantra helps me break the idea that something’s wrong with me. I think lots of people have that feeling. But, that’s another lie. We’re all worthy of love.

I could go on and on with all the things I’ve learned about loving myself and accepting that good things can come to me if I look for them, but you’ve got your own lessons to learn. So take what is valuable from this post and leave the rest.

I send you blessings of pure love and light and pure source energy.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2023

Saving the World One Story at a Time on Ûdemy

Analyzing stories gives us CRITICAL DISTANCE from things that have happened to us. That’s why I’m hooked on stories. I get to examine my own life by watching the characters go through their emotional ups and downs. If that sounds like something you’d like to try, you might want to consider taking my course Saving the World One Story at a Time.

Coupon code: SAVINGTHEWORLDJUNE2

https://www.udemy.com/course/saving-the-world-one-story-at-a-time/?couponCode=SAVINGTHEWORLDJUNE2

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast and Patreon communities so I’d have an excuse to talk story. You may have seen my Story-Power posts here. If you’re passionate about stories too, and want to talk about your favorite stories, come join me at either SageWoman.life, or patreon.com/StoryPower.

PodMatch

If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.

Making the Most of Life

Arizona Butterfly

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Two weeks ago, I was shocked when a college friend of mine announced that her husband, also a college friend, had died from a massive stroke from which he never regained consciousness. I think he was only 66 years old, younger than me. 

He and I were religious studies compatriots and since I was the only woman in the religion program and in the classes, it was good to have someone besides the instructor treat me with respect. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hounded by the other students in the program. I was hounded by men who studied other subjects but considered themselves God’s messengers. Even so, sometimes I felt like what I had to say was not regarded as important. Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought it might be because I was a woman, or maybe because I was too “liberal” for their tastes.  

The other thing about these college friends was that we shared a wedding anniversary and every year we’d wish each other happy whatever anniversary we were celebrating. Now there will be no more anniversary wishes to share with them.

His death got me thinking, I can’t waste the time I have left on this planet being afraid to say what I think and feel. Over the years I have gotten in the habit of keeping my head down, because when I was that hopeful, wide eyed religion major, stating what I thought and felt threw me into more than one controversy. For an introvert, that’s the worst.

But I’m older now with a thicker skin. And I’ve learned not to pay attention to the negativity that permeates much of the media, social and otherwise. I don’t even pay attention to the negative comments by friends and family. I just let them think what they want and love them as they are. 

The reason I started Story-Power was to examine how stories, both ancient and new help us understand ourselves better so we can get along with each other. Most people think and even say, that we are living through an unprecedented time of division among the disparate groups. I’m not sure that is historically accurate, but the situation makes people scared. Each group thinks they have the answers to how people should live. But the thing is, even though I know that we are all connected by something invisible, we’re like puzzle pieces and each piece has it’s own place in the larger picture. If we all thought and felt the same there would be no picture. It would be one solid color. How boring is that?

Let me say this, not everyone needs to believe or think exactly the same things. If we did there would be no learning. The human race would not progress. Trying to control the whole of humanity just isn’t feasible. The only reason someone tries to control everything in their outer world is because they are deeply afraid. But trying to control outer events isn’t the way to alleviate fear. The only way you can do it is to go within and exorcize your demons. I was fortunate to have learned this lesson in my mid-20s. 

In the midst of those controversies I mentioned earlier, I began keeping a journal at the suggestion of one of my instructors. For months I whined and complained about my terrible lot in life until finally one day I got bored with that and asked, “What am I supposed to be learning from all this?” Immediately answers started pouring out of my mind onto the page. The biggest lesson was that everything that was happening was something I had chosen to help myself grow and expand. That was a huge revelation. I was responsible for everything that was happening to me? At first I thought, “Well that sucks.” But as I kept writing for the next few days I began to feel empowered. If I was responsible for the bad things that were happening to me, then I could choose to have good things happen to learn from too. 

I don’t remember the exact chain of events, but writing in my journal and getting involved in the theatre troupe at my college came at about the same time. I loved doing theatre. The students and faculty were so open and welcoming. I loved it so much that I took Introduction to Theatre and was hooked. I added that major to my nearly finished religious studies major. Now looking back on the entire experience, I realize that most of the people who professed to be religious and connected to God were judgmental, didactic, and controlling. My theatre colleagues were accepting and open to all kinds of new people and ideas. No wonder I chose to continue my education in theatre.

The bottom line is this: each person is responsible for finding their own path, developing their own belief system, and deciding how they are going to live in this world. Sometimes the choices of others seem horrible, or tragic and we judge their choices. But being judgmental takes us away from paying attention to clearing out our own demons. I’d rather be curious about the people I meet. I’d rather try to see the world from their point of view so I can expand my understanding of the world.

Dale Carnegie said it this way in How to Win Friends and Influence People, “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’” 

I know that’s what theatre, movie and TV people do. They try to understand the characters and why they do what they do. Other creatives on my podcast have indicated they do the same thing. Maybe scientists, philosophers, coaches, teachers, and theologians do the same thing. That’s the mindset I think we need to cultivate in ourselves, because if I’m asking someone for their opinion about a certain topic, I’m not challenging them. Hopefully they feel that I’m trying to understand them, and that’s a basic need we all have.

My college friend was that kind of person. He was curious. He wanted to understand where other people were coming from. Even though I haven’t seen him in a number of years, I will miss the possibility that we might connect again. Maybe one day soon, we’ll connect with his wife and reminisce about the good times with him. No one truly goes away. They stay in our hearts and/or the lessons we learn from them stay with us. I’m grateful my friend and I got to know each other. He was a good man.

I hope the end of June is turning out to be good for you. Thanks for following, reading, commenting and liking these posts.

Blessings,

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2023 

Saving the World One Story at a Time on Ûdemy

Coupon code: SAVINGTHEWORLDJUNE2

https://www.udemy.com/course/saving-the-world-one-story-at-a-time/?couponCode=SAVINGTHEWORLDJUNE2

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power podcast and Patreon communities so I’d have an excuse to talk story. You may have seen my Story-Power posts here. If you’re passionate about stories too, and want to talk about your favorite stories, come join me at either SageWoman.life, or patreon.com/StoryPower.

The Space Between Time

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.

Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, after the last few years, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.

The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version is published.

Lucinda is also the host of Story-Power a podcast where she and her guests discuss their creative endeavors, and/or the stories that have changed their lives. It’s available here on Sage Woman Chronicles and on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast apps. Please rate and leave a review. It helps people find me.

PodMatch

If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.