On the Precipice

“First, accept sadness. Realize that without losing, winning isn’t so great.” ~ Alyssa Milano

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” ~ Carl Jung

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” ~ Jimmy Dean

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.” ~ Hugh Prather

For some reason I’m feeling melancholy today. I don’t feel this way very often so it has thrown me off balance a little bit.

After writing in my journal, I realized that my emotional state has to do with a number of factors. I’ve been feeling like I’m in a rut and need to make some changes. One thing I need to do is get out and do some face-to-face book marketing. That’s a scary prospect. Another is my body is telling me to get back into exercise again, and the another is that I want to learn something new and meaningful.

This weekend a confluence of events helped break me out of my rut a bit. First, I found a new podcast to listen to, suggested by Anne Bogel of the “Modern Mrs. Darcy” blog and “What Do I Read Next” podcast. The new podcast is right up my alley in terms of my interest in spirituality and creativity. The title is, “The One You Feed” with Eric Zimmer. After listening to two podcasts in which Eric has a conversation with Father Richard Rohr, I was hooked.

The next thing that happened was I began reading my friend Cappy Love Hanson’s memoir, Love Life, With Parrots. When I first quit teaching to become a full-time writer, I wrote a memoir, but it wasn’t good. The woman I asked to read it said I was too guarded. And I do feel that way when I write. I don’t want people to know anything about my faults. I don’t want to be vulnerable on the page. It’s okay to do that with my fictional characters, but to put all my flaws out there for everyone to read is just too scary. Yet, as I was reading Cappy’s book, full of all her vulnerability, and thinking back on the podcast I’d listened too earlier in the weekend, I had this overwhelming feeling that one day I was going to go back to that memoir, revise and publish it. Yikes! That’s another scary thought.

Another thing that occurred to me this weekend is that I’ve been feeling quite dissatisfied with my reading life lately. It’s not that the novels I’ve been reading are bad. I have enjoyed the stories and learned some really interesting things from them. But my inner student is feeling neglected. So, I’m going to finish my Goodreads reading challenge by devouring some of Richard Rohr’s books and other non-fiction books that I have on my reading list.

As the days go along and I continue to examine my inner landscape, I will probably discover unfinished business that needs attention, or I’ll finally face the changes I need to be making that I have been resisting. That’s a good thing. Sometimes I need to do some cosmic closet cleaning to make room for new experiences to come into my life.

Thanks for reading, liking and commenting. I appreciate it. For those of you in the U.S., I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2017

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.