“I am a human being, with feelings and emotions and scars and flaws, just like anyone else.” ~ Josh Gordon
I’m back! Wow, lots has happened since I said I was going to take a break and I’ve got some comments about it all that I hope will make sense.
My dad taught me something vital while we were enjoying watching movies together. I learned from our discussions, that there are layers upon layers of unhealed emotions, attitudes, and beliefs that we all carry around with us all the time. And sometimes, even though we think we’ve carefully locked them away in some dark corner of our minds and hearts, they come out, unexpectedly, in violent ways.
When that happens, most of us are appalled at what we’ve done. “Where did that come from?” we most likely ask ourselves. What I’ve learned is that none of us can ignore our painful experiences and think that they won’t erupt one day to make us take a good look at ourselves.
Self-examination is good for all of us, from world leaders who start wars, to other public figures who’s emotions temporarily flare to the surface and erupt violently.
It doesn’t matter if the violence is a war, a slap in the face, or nasty comments on social media, it is always a sign that there is healing that needs to take place.
So, I know, many people are commenting on Will Smith’s slapping Chris Rock at the Oscar Ceremony on Sunday March 27th. Some people are calling for healing between the two men, others are condemning one or both of them. Here’s what I’ve got to say about that incident. It was a perfect storm, as one of my students pointed out.
Thinking of what happened as if I were analyzing the scene as if I were an actor or director, I would take a step back for a moment from my opinion of what happened. I’m asking you to do the same and put yourself into these men’s shoes. They are at a huge event that is being broadcast around the world. Chris’ job is to be funny. Maybe he has “imposter syndrome” thinking, “I’ve got to be funny. I have a lot riding on this moment and I’m not sure I’m good enough”. Maybe he’s thinking about the opportunities this will bring for his career if he makes good. Or maybe there is a history between him and the Smiths and subconsciously he wants to get back at them. It could be a million other things that he’s thinking and feeling that we don’t even have any clue about. He looks down at Jada Pinkett Smith, sees her shaved head and off the cuff makes a joke about it.
Will on the other hand is up for the best actor Oscar award. Maybe he has “imposter syndrome”. Maybe he never dreamed he’d ever be nominated for so many awards. Maybe he’s anxious, and on top of all that, he knows the pain and suffering his wife has gone through with her disease and finally coming to the decision to shave her head. There’s still a lot of pain about her condition. His emotions are running high and boom, Chris Rock makes a joke about Jada and Will doesn’t think, he just reacts.
Every single one of us has unhealed stuff. Maybe we’re working on healing, but, of course, we can’t heal our wounds all at once. So, someone says or does something that makes us go ballistic. And if we’re smart, we recognize those feelings are pointing out something that we’ve been ignoring that needs to be healed.
Another thing I learned from my dad is that compassion for suffering people is always the best policy. I know it’s hard to have compassion for someone like Putin, but it’s worth my time to try to see the world from his point of view. He must feel extremely fearful if he wants to control the entire world so he can feel better. I mean he’s pretty isolated and disconnected. I’m not sure he knows what ordinary people in his country are going through. Who knows what wounds he’s carrying around. Again, his situation is fodder for the perfect storm.
Over the years I’ve learned another vital thing. Sometimes the only way to get a bully to stop being a bully is to stand up to him. And sometimes that means using violence because that’s the only language they understand. No matter how many people are being hurt, even if it’s only one person, the bully needs to be stopped. Maybe standing up to bullies, like Putin and any others we encounter, will help them wake up and finally try to heal everything they’ve been trying to keep hidden from themselves. In the end though, we need to show compassion and love to bullies. They probably need it more than anyone else.
Thanks for being patient with me while I took some time to concentrate on other important creative projects.
Have a wonderful beginning to Spring, or Autumn, as the case may be. The change of seasons is always an auspicious time.
Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.
Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.
The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version is published.
Lucinda is also the host of Story-Power a podcast where she and her guests discuss their creative endeavors, and/or the stories that have changed their lives. It’s available here on Sage Woman Chronicles and on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast apps. Please rate and leave a review. It helps people find me.
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