Empathy Rising!

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“The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy, the empathy exploit.” ~ Elon Musk

“…you’ve lost, old man!” Voldemort talking to Dumbledore while possessing Harry’s body. Harry’s response, “You’re the weak one. And you’ll never know love, or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.”

“Stanford University psychologist Jamil Zaki, PhD, describes it, empathy is the ‘psychological ‘superglue’ that connects people and undergirds co-operation and kindness” (The Economist, June 7, 2019).”

The above Musk quote came from a podcast appearance on Joe Rogen’s show. When I read what he said about empathy being weak, I remembered Harry Potter’s response to Voldemort, in the above exchange in Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. In that movie we get to see Tom Riddle’s devolution into Voldemort mostly due to a traumatic childhood but also from a misguided belief that there is power in the dark arts. As it turns out, Harry is right to tell Voldemort that he’s the weak one because when the final battle comes and Harry is not dead after all, it’s Voldemort’s followers who desert him. They do it for a number of reasons not the least of which is his lack of engendering true loyalty. He mistreats his followers and in the end they leave him, hopefully to learn their lessons and lead better lives. Those who believe in Harry, because of his sacrifices for them and his love, friendship, and belief in freedom, continue their loyalty to his cause and stand their ground. They do it even when it looks like Harry is gone. 

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Musk, and his repeating of the old mantra. Over the last few days I’ve developed a theory as to why some people think empathy and compassion are weaknesses. It’s because empathy, compassion, and caring for others involves a deep connection to emotions. Humans are emotional creatures. We must face our emotional wounds if we’re going to finally get to the place of being healthy, happy, and productive. Some people, however, don’t know, or care how to do that.

Years ago, when I was teaching, I read the book, Teach With Your Strengths, by Rosanne Liesveld and Jo Ann Miller by Gallup Press. When I finished reading the book, there was a link to go do an evaluation questionnaire to find out my top 5 strengths. Empathy is my number one strength. This is what the book says about empathy.

“You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective … but you do understand. … This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. … You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings – to themselves as well as to others You help them give voice to their emotional life.” 

There is much more of course, but you get the idea. How can understanding someone else’s perspective be a weakness? Since humans crave connection, I think that’s a strength. However, being empathetic, I understand that some people don’t want to be understood. That puts them in a vulnerable position, which in their minds means they’re weak.

What happens to people who are unable to connect with their emotions, or who suppress them so deeply that they don’t even acknowledge they have them? I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist but I have spent hours analyzing characters and their emotional lives and I can say that the characters who refuse to face their demons don’t fair well at all. They become emotionally detached from others, they are cruel, and sometimes mentally and emotionally unhinged. I have learned a great deal from analyzing the stories I’ve read, the movies I’ve watched, the characters I’ve played, and the plays I’ve directed. One thing I’ve learned is that none of us gets a free pass. We all experience trauma of one kind or another. Whether or not we find happiness and fulfillment depends on our willingness to face how we feel about what happened to us and to learn from the experiences. 

I may be completely wrong. Maybe people who don’t value, or even have empathy, might have been born without the ability to connect with others emotionally. But it could also be true that they did not have the love they needed as they were growing up. They may not have had examples of connection and caring for others and that’s extremely sad for them. I can’t imagine what it’s like to go through life with no caring support of any kind. 

So, who’s weak and who’s strong? There are so many examples from history and literature that show us that those without empathy do not have a happy life. Right now there are bunches of people who are waking up to the importance of a caring community. For the first time in many people’s lives, their rights are being taken away and they are not going to be quiet about how they feel about that. So even though things look dark right now, empathy is rising. Communities are coming together to support each other. I rejoice in those nuggets of hope being played out on the world stage. 

One great thing about empathy is that it can be developed. Almost everyone has a measure of emotional connection with others. Reading and watching movies and TV and actively analyzing the characters is one way to develop deeper levels of empathy. Another way is to listen to people tell their stories and try to identify with them. Once you can connect with others on a feeling level, you can use your compassion to take action to help those around you in a tangible way. Just asking someone if they are okay, is a huge help. One of my Story-Power podcast guests from 5/25/22, Kate Wallinga, told a story about someone who did a study over a year of potential jumpers on the Golden Gate Bridge. The potential jumpers were asked what made them change their minds. They said, “Someone stopped and asked me, ‘Are you okay?’ I knew I wasn’t alone“. In most cases it doesn’t take much effort to show you care about another person. And there is a persona benefit. I can speak from experience, when you help someone else, it makes you feel good too.

Story-Power on Patreon

I’m so passionate about stories that I created the Story-Power Patreon Community so I’d have an excuse to talk story with other story lovers. Patreon is $5 a month for content not found on the Story-Power podcast, or on my Sage Woman Blog. They have recently instituted a free tier so you can try it out before you buy. If you’re passionate about stories, and want to talk about what you’ve learned from your favorites, come join me at patreon.com/StoryPower. Let’s share what we’ve learned from the stories we love.

Prolific Writers Life

I recently joined Prolific Writers Life, a writing community created by Lorraine Haataia, PhD, as an expert on podcasting. Lorraine is a former Story-Power guest and now friend. The community she’s building is a supportive place for authors with a variety of experts to help you write, produce, and promote your books. Lorraine and I hope you’ll take a look and see if you and your book can benefit from all the services PWL provides. You can also sign up for the PWL weekly newsletter for free. We have many free events that you may want to join as a way to see if this is a community can be of benefit to you.

PodMatch for Podcasters

If you are a podcaster, or have a message or fantastic product you want to share with the world, I encourage you to check out PodMatch. I call them a dating service for podcasters. Use the affiliate link and tell them, Lucinda sent you. Then contact me so we can set up a Story-Power chat.

Classic Cinema with the Sage Sisters

Stories are a huge part of the way humans communicate with each other. I think all stories are allegories where we can learn all kinds of important things, not the least of which is how to understand ourselves and others better. The best stories can be told over and over from one generation to the next and still teach great lessons. Emotional Intelligence and critical thinking are two of those lessons. Celeste and I think there are many classic movies that show us the progression of where humanity is today and we want to share them with you.

Shakespeare was right, “All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players.” The stories we tell and consume are us trying to figure out who we are, why we’re here, who we want to be, and the kind of world we want to live in.

Come join the discussion on YouTube and our Facebook group.