What I Believe

August Sunset

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

This week’s lesson in Art & Soul Reloaded by Pam Grout is to write an essay about what I believe. This is one assignment I was excited to do because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is I know for sure. I stopped writing because the way I was writing about what I believe to be true seemed to be fake, intellectual nonsense. So I had to sit down and do some thinking about how to share my outlook on life without sounding sanctimonious. I’m going to begin with what I learned from my dad.

He was a lot like me, a very private person. But, when I asked him questions about the news and what was happening in the world, his answers were thought provoking. The 60s and 70s, when I was in school, were a bit like now. There was a great deal of unrest and many of the protests were violent. When I’d ask dad about that, he’d say that wounded people do things to make themselves feel better, but it doesn’t work like that. He didn’t say “What we put out we get back” that I remember, but eventually I understood that the real problems in the world are not external, they’re internal.

Most of us are not taught good coping skills. We aren’t taught how to love ourselves, or that there is plenty of everything to go around so we don’t need to fight for resources. It’s not our parents, family members or teacher’s fault, they’re just passing on what they learned and believe to be true. But what if they’re wrong? What if the infinite intelligent force that created everything sees us as perfect and completely lovable. Wow! That would change everything in our outer world.

It took me a long time to accept this understanding after lots of soul searching and study. I’m finally learning to forgive myself for all the silly and stupid mistakes I’ve made in my relationships over the years.

Throughout my life I’ve had many spiritual experiences that have helped shape my current belief system. The most profound of these insights has been each time I’ve felt my connection to everything that exists.

I think it was Carl Sagan who said that we are all made of star stuff. When I heard that, I knew it was true because when I was a teenager I lay on the ground one night looking up at the vastness of the night sky with all the stars and my heart opened. It felt like the edges of my body were melting away and I was part of the ground, the air, the trees, the grass, the stars, my boyfriend beside me, the other campers in their cabins, the animals in the woods. The sensation lasted for only a moment, but it was profound and changed the way I saw myself and my place in the universe.

Another time I was riding in a car watching people walking down the street and that same feeling came over me, that somehow I had an invisible connection to everyone and everything on the planet. It brings tears to my eyes to remember that and to know that when others hurt, I’m hurt. When good things happen for other people, I get to feel a little bit of that joy too. It’s also sobering to realize that when I hurt others, I’m not only hurting them but myself and everyone else on the planet and the opposite is also true. Understanding that has made me take responsibility for my thoughts and actions.

Knowing all that helps me be more conscious of what I say and do, but I still fall into the trap of getting angry, calling someone an idiot and thinking they are the one who needs to change. Just yesterday I was driving to teach one of my classes and there were some really creative drivers on the road Someone pulled in front of me when I was traveling at fifty-five miles an hour, with not much space to put on the breaks. I was yelling that them, and nearly leaned on the horn. It didn’t feel good and I knew I was sending out nasty energy and that wasn’t helping me or anyone else. That energy wasn’t changing the situation in any way.

The truth is, my growth and everyone else’s is a process. The human race has been growing in understanding since we became the human race and that process will continue until it’s time for something else to happen. I know that I’m just one little drop of water in the big ocean, but every drop is important. Which means, I’ve got to keep working on cleaning up and letting go of all the errors in my thinking and feeling. I’m going to do that because something in my heart keeps urging me to do so when I wake up in the morning, when I meditate, when I sit to write, when I teach, when I read books, watch movies, and look at great art. I never know when I’ll feel the inspiration to keep going. It might be when I see someone doing something nice for someone else. But it’s there and I don’t want to stop working on myself.

What I believe is that every human being is inherently good, we just don’t know that yet. At least not all of us. Maybe more people are waking up to that fact, and that’s why this time the unrest feels different than when I was growing up. For one thing, the protesters are less violent and more dedicated to finding solutions to our problems. That feels good to me. I’m excited to see what happens over the next months and years.

Thanks for reading, liking and commenting. I appreciate it very much.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Inspirations

Lighthouse

“Inspiration is one thing and you can’t control it, but hard work is what keeps the ship moving. Good luck means, work hard. Keep up the good work.” ~ Kevin Eubanks

“Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.” ~ Ella Fitzgerald

Inspiration comes to me from the most unexpected places at times. This must happen to other writers and creative people as well but when it happens to me, I am often surprised.

This week I got inspiration for my second novel, Time’s Echo from a memoir by Kelley and Thomas French titled, Juniper: The girl who was born too soon, which on the surface is totally unrelated to my novel. It’s a raw emotional roller coaster ride chronicling Kelley and Thomas lives together beginning when they first met, then when they got together years later, their struggles to not only have a child, but to keep her alive after being born at twenty-three weeks and six days gestation.

The thing that I always look for in a book is, do the people or characters learn from the circumstances in which they find themselves. Kelley and Thomas openly share their mistakes, fears, hopes, and eventual lessons as the doctors and nurses struggle to keep Juniper alive. It’s a book I highly recommend.

As I read the book I said to myself, “How were they brave enough to write so openly about what they went through?” Perhaps it’s because they are both journalists and know that the best stories touch our hearts. In any case I was hooked on the book partly because I’m not willing, yet, to be that vulnerable about my personal life. And yet, their account sparked my thinking about taking the characters in Time’s Echo into new directions. Those ideas are still percolating on the back burner of my mind, but I’m newly excited about all the new directions my story can go.

Vulnerability and writing the flaws of my characters was something I struggled with when I was writing The Space Between Time. One of the segments I had the most trouble with was this last section of chapter one, when Jenna’s mother dies. I tried to express the feeling that the floor has dropped out from underneath her, while at the same time showing how having her loved ones gathered together was such a comfort to her.

In this audio segment, Jenna has arranged for emergency leave from work and drives four hours from Portland to Roseburg in southern Oregon where her mother is in the hospital. Her mother’s friends are waiting for her.

I hope have a fantastic weekend and enjoy this last section of chapter one.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

The Oldest Story

“When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.” ~ Joseph Campbell

“Power focuses on self-preservation; principle focuses on making ideas successful.” ~ Dan Webster

Barry and I binge watched Victoria this long weekend catching up for the season finale next week. Two of the episodes were eerily similar to what’s going on now. The first, which was the most emotionally affecting for us, was about the Irish Potato Famine. It centered around Robert Traill, a Protestant vicar in Cork, a mostly Catholic region, who feels the plight of the people most deeply. Most are poor and starving as a result of the potato blight and the unwillingness of the landed gentry and the Protestant clergy to help them. Traill can’t stand by and watch innocent people die. So he writes a column in a London newspaper hoping to get the government to act. Queen Victoria reads the article and invites him to come to the palace so she can understand what’s happening and try to do something to help. She sends some of her own money to feed people, and she enlists the help of Prime Minister Peel to sway Parliament to do something. But it’s too late. One million people die, including the historical figure, Reverend Traill. Two million Irish emigrate to the U.S. The arguments are the same as now. “The poor need to work harder, they need to stop taking charity, they need to … blah, blah, blah.” I was weeping by the end of the episode. Why are we so callus and lack empathy for our fellow human beings?

The next episode takes place shortly after the Irish crisis and is about repealing a bill that benefited the landed gentry and took food out of the mouths of the poor in England. At one point speaking with her Prime Minister, Sir Robert Peel, in reference to the repeal of the Corn Laws, Queen Victoria says, “Nobody likes to give up what they already have …” It’s so true and sad that we haven’t progressed past that.

Her comment points to the oldest story of human history, the world is dangerous and we must be about preserving ourselves and what we have. We gain a little wealth, power, and things and we don’t want to give them up because we think the things we’ve gathered will protect us. Look at our myths both ancient and modern. What is the main theme? Superpowers, or magic, or super heroes, or being physically strong, or having the best most modern weapons will save us. But they won’t because the problem isn’t outside ourselves. It’s inside and some of us are just now beginning to realize that fact.

We hear it all the time. “Guns don’t kill people, people do.” That’s right. Frightened angry people hurt other people, but we need to take the guns out of the hands of frightened angry people to begin to protect the innocent. Then we need to address the underlying fear and rage that has brought us to this place.

Amassing great wealth won’t protect us either. The scriptures of every major religion encourage us to love and take care of one another. But even as I awaken, I feel the tension between self-preservation and using my resources to help others. One of the most profound lessons in the sacred books I’ve read is that God is our protection. Hearing or reading those words, my mind says “Yes!” but letting that sink in emotionally is a different story. It has taken me many years to even come close to letting go of the idea that if I don’t protect myself, no one else will. I’m just now beginning to understand that God, or Higher Power if you prefer, has my back.

I think our present upheaval and debates on gun control, human rights, and the rest are a great opportunity. Gary Zukav says that human beings learn through crisis. We don’t take action, or change our minds until we’re forced by circumstances to do so. Hopefully we’ve come to the edge where we will finally let go of self-preservation, fear and anger and allow ourselves to feel and build something new.

Thanks for reading, liking and commenting. I appreciate it.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Life is Messy. Why That’s a Good Thing!

Marco Polo Sings A Solo

“The one thing that I keep learning over and over again is that I don’t know nothing. I mean, that’s my life lesson.” ~ Dwayne Johnson

“My greatest life lesson has been that life can change in a second. This is why it’s important to always live your best possible life and to do what you can for others.” ~ Niki Taylor

This has been a devastating week both on a national level and in the lives of my students. I never know what to say at such times. I want to be of comfort. I want to assure my students, or friends that when things fall apart, they are really falling together. I even said that to one of my students when she said, “My life is a mess.” But later I thought, “That was stupid. She needed comfort not platitudes.”

The thing is, I’m old enough now to have lived through lots of life shattering events and I know that when my life falls apart, I have this extraordinary opportunity to build something new with the pieces. And some of you might think I’m crazy, but I know that there is some power guiding us through such trying times. We just have to trust that’s true and then try to listen to what that still small voice is telling us. I know these things, but when I say them, or share them on social media, people can’t understand what I’m driving at. They get angry with me or they say, “Yeah, but …”. I can’t blame them. When you’re in the middle of the drama, it’s hard to see that outside the theatre there is something more wonderful going on.

After that encounter with my student, I berated myself for not being caring enough. I felt like I failed and I started thinking about how to share what I’ve learned about life being messy and how failure and loss can be the beginning of a more fulfilling life. Then I had to laugh at myself. My book, The Space Between Time is my life philosophy expressed as a story. Jenna and Morgan face life shattering events, they embrace the messiness of their lives and come through to happier plateaus.

I’ve always loved fairy tales, myths, movies, and books. I didn’t know why, but when I became involved in theatre it dawned on me that stories give us the chance to open up to new perspectives. And when we allow ourselves to be influenced by the story we get a glimpse of new ways of thinking and being. That’s what propelled my drive to begin writing.

In real life encounters, all I can do is BE with those who are suffering while they find their own way through the darkness. But as a writer, I have an opportunity to give comfort in a different way. Stories give us a chance to learn at a safe distance. That’s exciting! Now that I’ve realized the truth of that, I’m more determined than ever to keep working on improving my story telling skills.

Here is an audio recording of the second segment of chapter one of The Space Between Time. I’m experimenting with creating my own audio segments, so this is not perfect, but I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading and listening. I appreciate your likes and comments.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Embracing Who I AM

Human Brain Thinking

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” ~ Robert Fulghum

When I started this blog, I had to choose a “what this blog is about” subtitle. As you can see I wrote, The Arts, Spirituality, Life. Those are all pretty big topics. I mean, I could write a twice weekly blog about just one of those subjects. In fact, I just read a blog post by someone I follow that advises that you should choose one topic and write consistently about that if you want to attract lots of followers.

So, I’ve been breaking the rules. Which might be the reason I don’t have lots of followers. But I can’t write about just one topic twice a week. If I did that I’d get bored. And that’s kind of been the story of my life. I’m interested in lots of things. I got a degree in religious studies because I was interested in that subject. Movies, books and theatre have been a big part of my life too. I loved teaching both drama and English because they have to do with story telling, which is why I love writing. My husband and I watch a variety of scripted shows but also programs which air on the History, Science, NatGeo and PBS channels. If it looks interesting, we try an episode or two.

Now, I’m coming to this idea rather late in life, but I saw a TED talk about multipotentialites, by Emilie Wapnick, and finally after all these years I said, “That’s me!” Someone once said to me, “You are interested in so many things that you lose focus. You need to pick one thing and concentrate on that and you will be successful.”

Hmm. I could see their point, but I couldn’t see myself choosing just one discipline to devote my life to for twenty or thirty years. I settled on teaching because I have been a teacher in one capacity or another for over forty years. I like it because it allows me to go out and explore topics related to what I’m teaching. When I taught American literature, I got to explore history, as well as the lives of the authors, their interests and influences. It was one of the most fun things about the job. Theatre and writing are also disciplines where I get to do research, so naturally, I love them as well.

One thing I’ve learned over the years of writing this blog, though, is that the posts that touch people the most are the ones where I share not only ideas, but how they affect me emotionally. Emotional intelligence is, in my opinion, highly underrated. We get these cultural ideas into our heads and when certain people don’t fit into that mold they are shoved to the fringes of society. But maybe that’s changing because of people like Emilie Wapnick. And maybe that’s what was so compelling about her TED talk. The people she mentions don’t try to fit into the little boxes society tries to put them into. They believe in themselves, which makes them emotionally strong. They create their niche and make a difference.

So, the TED talk confirmed something I’ve thought for a very long time, that we need people who not only think outside the box, but who believe in themselves enough to work to make the connections that will propel us forward. I have always encouraged my students to do this, think critically, look beneath the surface of what’s happening in a piece of literature, or advertising, or in world events and try to see what’s really going on. Because developing the ability to see the many layers in any situation can help us find new ways to solve our problems. That is exactly what Emilie Wapnick suggests in this video. And you can do that whether you are a specialist, or a multipotenialite.

I have no idea what I’m going to be doing with this information, but I’m excited to know that I’m not crazy, just interested in lots of different things. And using what I’ve learned just might help solve some little problems that lead to solving bigger problems.

Thanks for reading my musings. I appreciate your likes and comments.

Here’s the video. See what you think.

https://pc.tedcdn.com/talk/podcast/2015X/None/EmilieWapnick_2015X-480p.mp4

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.