“People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals – that is, goals that do not inspire them.” – Tony Robbins
“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.” – Joseph Campbell
“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time the tide will turn.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe
Tuesday is the day I write my weekly blog. Sometimes it’s a struggle to express the things I’ve been thinking about over the last week. Today is especially difficult because it’s the day I’ve finished the grading for the classes that just ended yesterday. Some semesters go smoothly and all my students receive passing grades but as with this semester, sometimes I have students who fail. When that happens, I am tempted to blame myself for their failure. But, the other day I watched the Super Soul Sunday with Dr. Christiane Northrup and something she said was particularly appropriate for how I’m feeling today. She said something like, “If I feel the need to fix other people, that’s my addiction. Each person must find their own way.” Sometimes I want to fix my students and force them to succeed. I felt like that this semester. But that doesn’t help anyone.
I guess I come by it naturally because for most of my life I’ve been a fixer. In fact that was my role in the family. So when my students, friends or family struggle, I’m tempted to help them find their way out of the darkness. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve learned that the best way to help someone through their dark times is just to be there for them. If I do the fixing for them, it never lasts because it’s as if I don’t trust them to be strong enough to fix their own lives.
It’s interesting that I have such a deep pull toward helping others when most often I keep my own council. For most of my life I’ve felt I had help beyond who or what I could see and I’ve trusted it to guide me. When I was quite young, I felt that one day I would find a deep love of life even when what was happening on the outside wasn’t so very happy.
Now my life is becoming more and more joyful. I wake up every morning excited about the day ahead. So, when Dr. Northrup also said, “Getting older is inevitable, aging is optional,” I felt like she was talking about my life. We choose whether or not to shrivel up and become old, or we choose to learn from the things that happen to us and find a joy in life. Other times we choose to give up and fail. But that’s never the end. We can always make a new choice and transform our lives. That’s grace.
I hope that my students who failed my class will understand that one, two or even twenty failures doesn’t define who they are. There is so much more to each of us than anyone, even we, can see. Digging deep inside to find that larger part of us is what will eventually bring joy to our lives.
This post feels like it’s a bunch of gobbledeeguck, but if there is one thing I hope you get out of it, it’s this: keep plugging along. Keep looking for the things that make you happy. Keep choosing to love, rather than be angry, hurt and upset. Keep telling yourself you’re worthy and one day you’ll find joie de vivre, the joy in living as I have done. When one person finds that, they leave bread crumb clues for those who come along behind.
Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment.
Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2015
Sage Woman Chronicles 
Just lovely, Lucinda. Thank you for your words of compassion and joy. May that same love always come back to you!
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Thank you, Julie. I send the same good wishes to you.
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I have had the same feelings when I have had to fail students. One time it was particularly difficult because I knew the young man quite well and I like him a lot. He bega the semester with A’s and B’s but then he began to skip some classes, not turn I some work, skip a test. Ultimately he earned a D. The key word is earned.
He and I spoke several times throughout the semester and he clearly knew what he had to do to pass. He chose not to,
The sad part is I think this young man often sets himself up to fail. I used to do that. I recognize the symptoms! I offered him help on a very minimal level. I had finally (finally!) learned that we must each make our own choices. The only help I offered was to let him make up tests and accept them but take ten percent off for the lateness. When he did not to do that, I felt badly, but I knew it was his choice and there was nothing else I could or should do.
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Emilie, The situation is similar with one of my students. Sometimes that’s how we learn.
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