Restless Anticipation

Tarantula Nebula
Tarantula Nebula

“I could not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it agitated me to pain sometimes.” ~ Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

“There are times when a feeling of expectancy comes to me, as if something is there, beneath the surface of my understanding, waiting for me to grasp it … Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke. And then I’ll laugh. And then I’ll know what life is.” ~ Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

“Dreams and restless thoughts came flowing to him from the river, from the twinkling stars at night, from the sun’s melting rays. Dreams and a restlessness of the soul came to him.” ~ Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

“Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.” ~ Thomas A. Edison

Twenty years ago my husband and I sold our house and took a three month trip around the world. Some people thought we were crazy, mostly family members. But most people admired our daring and supported us. I will never regret taking that trip. It changed me in ways that are still hard to define and as the anniversary of leaving the country approaches, I’m hungry for a bold new adventure.

I’m not sure what has caused my restlessness now after so many years of living in a kind of cocoon. Maybe it’s because last year I dedicated myself to doing some intense personal work. Because of that work, I’m a new person and see the world in new ways. Whatever the reason it feels like it’s time for a change but I’m not sure what form it will take yet. All I know is that I feel great anticipation like I did when Barry and I decided to do whatever it to took to take the trip.

A couple of weeks ago something extraordinary happened during one of my meditations. I saw myself swimming and playing with whales and dolphins. They were singing to me and I understood their song. They were telling me that I needed to embrace play and I need to allow all the great things the universe has to offer to come to me. When that happened it was like the whales and dolphins accepted me as one of them and they gave me the key to a door that I’d locked long ago. I opened that door and my inner landscape hasn’t been the same since. When that happened, I wanted to say “Yes!” to all kinds of new things.

Almost as soon as I thought about something I’d like to try, an opportunity came to me. I love watching and talking about movies and a few days after my meditation experience, I was invited by Turner Classic Movies to be a member of their Inner Circle, to make suggestions on programing and the like. What could be more fun? Then I found an opportunity to submit a story or essay about identity for publication in a yearly journal. I also got an invitation to submit a short story to a contest. The prize is a trip to Greece, one of my favorite places on earth. I’m going to say yes to those opportunities. My work may be rejected. I don’t care. I want to stretch myself and try something new.

Those opportunities, though small, have sparked my desire to again experience new places. Barry and I have dreamed of living in New Mexico for quite some time but we thought making the move impossible, until recently. Being open to possibilities is often all that’s needed to experiences something new and wonderful. In any case Barry and I have started creating new dreams and that in itself is a welcome adventure. Creating new dreams keeps us young.

Who knows where these explorations will lead, but it’s so nice to be in a state of restless anticipation again. In my estimation living in the status quo is boring. That’s why I’m always looking for the next new thing to stimulate my desire to keep expanding.

I’ll keep you posted on any new and exciting things that come my way.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment or share with a friend.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2016

Published by lucindasagemidgorden

I grew up in the West, the descendant of people traveling by wagon train to a new life. Some of their determination and wanderlust became a part of me. I imagine them sitting around the campfire telling stories, which is why I became first a theatre artist, then a teacher and now a writer. They are all ways of telling stories.

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