Why Do We Do It To Ourselves?

“March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life’s path.” ~ Khalil Gibran

I admit it. I don’t like to share my foibles. In this age when lots of people on social media show us photos of all their good times, or share only their successes, I’m often tempted to do that too. But we all have days when we’re less than perfect. I had one the other day. 

I am so ready to retire from teaching and I count my blessings that I will only teach one class the second eight weeks of this semester, but on Thursday I had to go to an event at the college. It was a club fair, and since most of the students in our club have classes during the day, and my co-sponsor was unable to attend, I was the designated person to sit at the table and hopefully sign up some new members. 

I have to say, I really do not like doing stuff like that, especially when I have a particularly long Story~Power episode to prepare. Even though the event was only two hours in the middle of the day, for me it takes up the whole day because we live so far from town. 

I managed to be personable at the event but as I was getting home there were texts going back and forth between me and a neighbor and between me and Barry and all I wanted to do was lay down, rest and regain my equilibrium before having to cook dinner. In situations like that, I get really testy. Fortunately no one was here to hear me yelling and complaining about having to attend to all manner of things before I could go decompress. 

The thing is, I’ve started studying A Course In Miracles Experiment by Pam Grout again and the lesson of the day was to see things are they really are. I knew I was getting bent out of shape on purpose. I knew that there was really nothing to get upset about, but in a twisted kind of way it felt good to do so. 

Part of me was looking at myself from the outside saying, “Why are you getting so upset at such trivial things?” While the other part of me felt justified in whining because things weren’t going my way.

I decided to just go with the negative feelings for a bit. Then when the texting and the few little chores were finished, I lay down on my bed to recalibrate. And that’s when I remembered that trying not to feel negative emotions sometimes makes them grow. But allowing them to have their say can reduce their hold on me. Once I lay down on the bed and called my co-sponsor to debrief, I felt better. That was the lesson of the day. 

I’ve been reading Brené Brown’s new book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and Language of Human Experience, in which she writes about what her research has taught her about human emotions. She and her team researched how we are affected if we can’t identify our emotions as opposed to how we are empowered when we can. 

In every book she’s written she encourages her readers to embrace their emotions. Trying to stuff them down is never a good idea and can lead to serious mental and emotional health problems. In the introduction to this book she points out that, “Language shows us that naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.”

On Thursday, I was feeling frustrated that I’m not yet retired and that I was the one keeping the club together. It seemed to me on that day that my efforts were fruitless. I was also obsessing about an upcoming event that we are committed to doing, but had no plan for. So I was projecting disaster into the future and playing the martyr by attending this event when it seemed most likely that the club was going to fail. 

I have to say, that I was obsessing and feeling frustrated for no reason. During the event and shortly after, a plan for the future event emerged, I was joined by our club president, and we signed up three new members.

When I got home, I needed to acknowledge and expel the bad feelings from earlier. Once I did that I found balance once again.

I know that there will be more days when I feel frustrated that it’s taking so long to be completely rid of this teaching gig. In fact, I may have to teach a class in the fall again, but I’m also acknowledging that I’m making the choice to do that to help out my teaching partner. And helping others become successful is never a bad thing. I just need to adjust my attitude about the choices I’ve made.

Welcome to my new followers. Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting.

Blessings,

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2022

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.

Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.

The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version is published.

Lucinda is also the host of Story-Power a podcast where she and her guests discuss their creative endeavors, and/or the stories that have changed their lives. It’s available here on Sage Woman Chronicles and on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast apps. Please rate and leave a review. It helps people find me.