Sage Woman Chronicles

Life is Messy. Why That’s a Good Thing!

“The one thing that I keep learning over and over again is that I don’t know nothing. I mean, that’s my life lesson.” ~ Dwayne Johnson

“My greatest life lesson has been that life can change in a second. This is why it’s important to always live your best possible life and to do what you can for others.” ~ Niki Taylor

This has been a devastating week both on a national level and in the lives of my students. I never know what to say at such times. I want to be of comfort. I want to assure my students, or friends that when things fall apart, they are really falling together. I even said that to one of my students when she said, “My life is a mess.” But later I thought, “That was stupid. She needed comfort not platitudes.”

The thing is, I’m old enough now to have lived through lots of life shattering events and I know that when my life falls apart, I have this extraordinary opportunity to build something new with the pieces. And some of you might think I’m crazy, but I know that there is some power guiding us through such trying times. We just have to trust that’s true and then try to listen to what that still small voice is telling us. I know these things, but when I say them, or share them on social media, people can’t understand what I’m driving at. They get angry with me or they say, “Yeah, but …”. I can’t blame them. When you’re in the middle of the drama, it’s hard to see that outside the theatre there is something more wonderful going on.

After that encounter with my student, I berated myself for not being caring enough. I felt like I failed and I started thinking about how to share what I’ve learned about life being messy and how failure and loss can be the beginning of a more fulfilling life. Then I had to laugh at myself. My book, The Space Between Time is my life philosophy expressed as a story. Jenna and Morgan face life shattering events, they embrace the messiness of their lives and come through to happier plateaus.

I’ve always loved fairy tales, myths, movies, and books. I didn’t know why, but when I became involved in theatre it dawned on me that stories give us the chance to open up to new perspectives. And when we allow ourselves to be influenced by the story we get a glimpse of new ways of thinking and being. That’s what propelled my drive to begin writing.

In real life encounters, all I can do is BE with those who are suffering while they find their own way through the darkness. But as a writer, I have an opportunity to give comfort in a different way. Stories give us a chance to learn at a safe distance. That’s exciting! Now that I’ve realized the truth of that, I’m more determined than ever to keep working on improving my story telling skills.

Here is an audio recording of the second segment of chapter one of The Space Between Time. I’m experimenting with creating my own audio segments, so this is not perfect, but I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading and listening. I appreciate your likes and comments.

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Embracing Who I AM

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” ~ Robert Fulghum

When I started this blog, I had to choose a “what this blog is about” subtitle. As you can see I wrote, The Arts, Spirituality, Life. Those are all pretty big topics. I mean, I could write a twice weekly blog about just one of those subjects. In fact, I just read a blog post by someone I follow that advises that you should choose one topic and write consistently about that if you want to attract lots of followers.

So, I’ve been breaking the rules. Which might be the reason I don’t have lots of followers. But I can’t write about just one topic twice a week. If I did that I’d get bored. And that’s kind of been the story of my life. I’m interested in lots of things. I got a degree in religious studies because I was interested in that subject. Movies, books and theatre have been a big part of my life too. I loved teaching both drama and English because they have to do with story telling, which is why I love writing. My husband and I watch a variety of scripted shows but also programs which air on the History, Science, NatGeo and PBS channels. If it looks interesting, we try an episode or two.

Now, I’m coming to this idea rather late in life, but I saw a TED talk about multipotentialites, by Emilie Wapnick, and finally after all these years I said, “That’s me!” Someone once said to me, “You are interested in so many things that you lose focus. You need to pick one thing and concentrate on that and you will be successful.”

Hmm. I could see their point, but I couldn’t see myself choosing just one discipline to devote my life to for twenty or thirty years. I settled on teaching because I have been a teacher in one capacity or another for over forty years. I like it because it allows me to go out and explore topics related to what I’m teaching. When I taught American literature, I got to explore history, as well as the lives of the authors, their interests and influences. It was one of the most fun things about the job. Theatre and writing are also disciplines where I get to do research, so naturally, I love them as well.

One thing I’ve learned over the years of writing this blog, though, is that the posts that touch people the most are the ones where I share not only ideas, but how they affect me emotionally. Emotional intelligence is, in my opinion, highly underrated. We get these cultural ideas into our heads and when certain people don’t fit into that mold they are shoved to the fringes of society. But maybe that’s changing because of people like Emilie Wapnick. And maybe that’s what was so compelling about her TED talk. The people she mentions don’t try to fit into the little boxes society tries to put them into. They believe in themselves, which makes them emotionally strong. They create their niche and make a difference.

So, the TED talk confirmed something I’ve thought for a very long time, that we need people who not only think outside the box, but who believe in themselves enough to work to make the connections that will propel us forward. I have always encouraged my students to do this, think critically, look beneath the surface of what’s happening in a piece of literature, or advertising, or in world events and try to see what’s really going on. Because developing the ability to see the many layers in any situation can help us find new ways to solve our problems. That is exactly what Emilie Wapnick suggests in this video. And you can do that whether you are a specialist, or a multipotenialite.

I have no idea what I’m going to be doing with this information, but I’m excited to know that I’m not crazy, just interested in lots of different things. And using what I’ve learned just might help solve some little problems that lead to solving bigger problems.

Thanks for reading my musings. I appreciate your likes and comments.

Here’s the video. See what you think.

https://pc.tedcdn.com/talk/podcast/2015X/None/EmilieWapnick_2015X-480p.mp4

Coming into the Twenty-First Century

“The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~ Alan Watts

“How can you know what you’re capable of if you don’t embrace the unknown?” ~ Esmeralda Santiago

Today I’m at Cochise College second annual Comic Con. I’ve never attended a comic con before, but since my book can be classified as fantasy, I thought I’d get my feet wet by participating in a panel discussion about world building and see how it goes. Some of my students and former students may be there, so it’s a good time to promote my book with them.

The Space Between Time kind of defies classification. It’s part historical and contemporary fiction with some time travel, paranormal and magical realism thrown in. So the world I built is based on real life world situations. I didn’t create a whole new civilization, complete with political, scientific, and/or religious struggles. Fortunately I don’t have to do much preparation for this discussion, because I’m a little over my head with creative projects at the moment.

I wanted to share the second section of chapter one of TSBT with you today, but I’m still recovering from my cold and just don’t have the energy to get the section prepped and converted to the proper audio file. Sometimes I feel so behind the times. I want to utilize all this wonderful new technology, but learning how to use it properly can be a struggle. Yet, it’s good to learn new things. In a way it keeps me young.

This week in my dramatic structure class we watched Gentleman’s Agreement a 1947 movie about anti-semitism. It was eerily relevant to what’s happening in our country now, only with muslims, hispanic, Mexican immigrants, and as always, blacks. In the movie, the main character Phil, played by Gregory Peck is writing a series of articles for a progressive magazine. He tells everyone he’s Jewish so he can get inside what it feels like to experience the discrimination for himself and thus bring a new angle to the problem faced by Jews in America. His mother, played by the wonderful Anne Revere, says after reading the first two installments of the series, “You know something, Phil? I suddenly want to live to be very old. Very. I want to be around to see what happens. The world is stirring in very strange ways. Maybe this is the century for it. Maybe that’s why it’s so troubled. Other centuries had their driving forces. What will ours have been when men look back? Maybe it won’t be the American century after all … or the Russian century or the atomic century. Wouldn’t it be wonderful … if it turned out to be everybody’s century … when people all over the world – free people – found a way to live together? I’d like to be around to see some of that … even the beginning. I may stick around for quite awhile.” And that’s how I feel. I want to stick around for quite awhile to see if the twenty-first century is everybody’s century.

Hopefully soon, I’ll learn how to make the audio recordings of my book chapters and share them with you. I’ll keep trying to connect with what my nieces, nephews and students are interested in so I can keep up with the changes that are happening. If you look at the world as always getting better, we’re living in a pretty exciting time. When people look back on this time what will they say about us?

Thanks for reading all my meandering thoughts. Have a great weekend.

My Imagined TED Talk

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” ~ Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?

“Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and diligence.” Abigail Adams

My husband, Barry, and I are doing the year-long Art & Soul Reloaded course with Pam Grout. We just started the myth busting section. You know all those myths about the creative process. This week is about “Myth #2: To Make Art, You Need the Approval of a Publisher, A recording Company, an Art Gallery, Etc.” Each lesson is accompanied by an assignment. This week we are to come up with a title and subject for our TED Talk.

Sometimes, often, actually, the lessons are things I’ve already done, or am doing. But when I read this one, I knew exactly what I would speak about if I were ever to give a TED Talk. It’s the biggest personal growth question of my life: What am I supposed to be learning from this?

That question did several things for me when it came out my pen onto the page of my journal.

It stopped me in my tracks. Before writing that question I thought that life was happening TO me, that the world was against little old me and there was nothing I could do about that but moan and complain until someone came to save me. The thing was, when I asked that question, I became my own savior. Or rather, God and I became partners. S/he’d show me the way and I’d do the work of untangling the mess.

The question forced me to look at my problems from lots of new angles. It was asking me to look at myself and how I was either making the problem worse, or at the very least, not any better. I had to accept that I had a part to play in what was going on. I wasn’t just an innocent bystander.

Which brings me to taking responsibility for my actions. If you think the world is out to get you as I did, then it’s so easy to place the blame outside yourself. When I understood that I was responsible for my reactions, that gave me a new perspective about why people treated me the way they did. Taking a moment to evaluate a situation before making any kind of response is such a helpful tool. It gives me a chance to choose what kind of interaction I’m going to have with the others in the situation. What I say and do affects others in ways I can’t even comprehend at the moment of making the decision. I’ve often been surprised when people come to me and give me feedback about something I’ve said or done. It’s always much nicer when they thank me, rather than accuse and blame me.

Taking responsibility for my reactions to life events was really scary. Beyond making decisions in the heat of the moment, it meant I had to go to those dark places within and accept that I wasn’t perfect. You probably know what that feels like. For me it’s like something souring in my stomach, or having itching powder under my skin. Before asking what am I supposed to learning from this?, I’d have done anything to get rid of that feeling. But trying to escape dealing with our wounds never works. The problems get bigger and bigger until eventually our lives blow up in our faces and we either deal with them, or our souls die. Living with a dead soul is the most hellish thing I can imagine.

Answering the question, what am I supposed to be learning from this?, is a lifelong quest. I’m still working on the answer everyday. I won’t lie to you, taking a good hard look at myself, was the most scary thing I’d ever done because what I thought I’d find was the most unloveable person on the planet. But that’s not what happened. I began to see that almost everyone feels like I did. We think we’re not worthy of love or all the other good things available for us to experience.

So, I don’t know where that question came from, but I’m so glad I asked it and started on a grand adventure of discovering myself.

I’ll end with a quote from one of my favorite plays, An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Even though the character saying this means it as a frivolous statement, there is some truth to it, though I’d change “romance” to “love affair”. If we don’t love ourselves who will? And if we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others? Everyone is so busy trying to figure out their own lives. I believe it’s in learning to love ourselves that gives us the courage to be able to build lasting bridges to other people. That’s a worthwhile goal in my book.

Thanks for reading one of my flights of fancy. I appreciate your likes and comments.

Stories That Endure

Bette Davis and Paul Henreid in Now Voyager

“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” ~ Philip Pullman

“Stories can conquer fear, you know. They can make the heart bigger.” ~ Ben Okri

It’s been a rough week. I’m still not completely recovered from my cold, so I dragged myself into class last night glad that the movie I’d picked was short. This class I teach every spring is titled dramatic structure. In the class we watch plays and movies and deconstruct the way the story is put together so we can discover the main message the writer and director are trying to get across to the audience. I’m always surprised when students like a classic movie, or play we watch. It gives me hope that maybe they will tune into Turner Classic Movies sometime and watch a vintage movie they might never have considered before taking the class.

Last night I was happy that my students loved the 1942 movie Now Voyager. This is the first time I’ve shown this movie, even though it’s one I love. It’s a domestic drama staring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, and Claude Rains. Davis plays Charlotte Vale who has a nervous breakdown and must learn how to deal with her tyrannical mother played by Gladys Cooper. She is helped by Rains’ character Dr. Jaquith. The thing I love about the movie is that it shows Charlotte not only learning how to build friendships but how to stand up for herself without causing her mother to throw her out. It’s a neat balancing act. She also finds love in an unconventional relationship with a married man played by Henreid. Even though they make a pact never to see each other again, in the end they are brought back together when Charlotte has the opportunity to help Henreid’s daughter with the approval of Dr. Jaquith. I wasn’t surprised that my students could relate to having difficult family relationships and that the film gave them some strategies they could use in their own lives.

There are so many classic plays and movies that are still relevant for us today. And I’m happy to be introducing my students to some of them.

I’ve also been surprised that my students liked Gentleman’s Agreement, staring Gregory Peck and Dorothy McGuire, a story of anti-semitism right after World War II. That ground breaking movie is important because it breaks down the subtle ways people maintain their prejudices while fooling themselves into thinking they have none at all. That’s the movie for next week. I’ll be interested to hear what the students have to say about it.

An Ideal Husband, is another favorite of my students. It’s a play by Oscar Wilde in which he uses witty lines to make the audience laugh, but which has a serious message underneath. Lord Goring, the most frivolous of heroes, helps his friends navigate a serious problem in their relationship. He tells his best friend, “Gertrude, it is not the perfect, but rather the imperfect who have need of love.” We all hope for love and forgiveness from the ones we love. Oscar Wilde delivers that for his characters while at the same time making us laugh at their foibles. It’s a masterpiece as far as I’m concerned.

Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised when a student says something profound about one of the movies or plays we’ve just watched. One year, after a viewing of a filmed stage production of The Taming of the Shrew, we were discussing Kate’s final speech. This is one of Shakespeare’s speeches that is discussed adnausium because it seems that Kate gives up her will to her husband. One student surprised me by saying, “I think that speech and Petrucio’s reaction to it show that they tamed each other.” I had never thought of it like that before. I have always fantasied that after the play was over Kate and Petrucio were going to have a vibrant, sometimes contentious, but deeply loving relationship. But to think that the tamer also gets tamed was a wonderful new way to look at that play.

Now I know that some people watch movies for pure entertainment and don’t want to discuss all the nuances of the story. But social media is full of movie fan discussions dissecting every aspect of the latest movie in their favorite franchise and if that’s not evidence that stories have a kind of power to touch us deeply, I don’t know what is.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate all your comments and likes.