Happiness is the Best Offense

Ruby Throated Hummingbird

“Man only likes to count his troubles, but he does not count his joys.” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.” ~ E Cubed, Pam Grout

“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~ Jim Rohn

“Some days are just bad days, that’s all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness, and I remind myself that not every day is going to be a good day, that’s just the way it is!” ~ Dita Von Teese

Okay, I know in the last post I wrote that I was mad and wasn’t going to take it anymore. But we don’t have the same emotions from day to day, or even minute to minute.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years. The way through rough or dark emotions is to embrace them. That’s the only way I get through anger, sadness, or any other dark emotion, and emerge into joy. So last week I was venting. This week I’m sharing what happened when I had a little breakthrough.

It wasn’t anything spectacular. I just woke up feeling excited about the day and what I had planned to do on my creative projects. Part of my frustration of the previous post was because we were having some difficulties in communication with CreateSpace, our print-on-demand publisher. Getting my book published has been a many month process, and that’s on top of seven years of writing. So, I will be glad when the book is finally out in both print and ebook formats. After a little break, I may look into an audio version of the book, but for now, I’m concentrating on writing the sequel novel and promoting The Space Between Time.

It wasn’t just the issues with my book that were bothering me. I’ve had been feeling the turmoil about the political climate. But a friend of mine from my college theatre program, posted something on Facebook that was exactly what I was trying to achieve in my thinking. He said that he doesn’t wake up every morning thinking about all the political antics, or even all the hate, or crazy tweets posted in the night. He wakes up focused on his creative projects. He’s an independent movie maker and playwright. When I read that, I breathed a sigh of relief. It’s true, that’s what I do most of the time. I’m too busy having fun writing my novel, blog posts, and working on other creative projects, to worry about what’s going on in politics. However, every once in a while I get distracted.

For quite sometime, I’ve had this deep sense that all the spiritual teachers I’ve been reading are right. What we pay attention to expands. That’s not just a spiritual principle. It’s a scientific one as well, but I won’t bore you with all the data. That means that if I’m focused on my creativity and connecting in positive ways with my family and friends, then I’m helping hope, love and happiness expand. I certainly don’t want nastiness or hate to expand. I think my role on this planet, in this lifetime is to spread as much positive energy as I can.

I can’t say that coming to this conclusion has been easy. I’ve had to do lots of unlearning. One of the things I learned, in error, early on is that there is not enough money to go around. Another is that the world is a scary and dangerous place. Getting rid of fear and “lack” thinking has been a real challenge. However, it’s also been rewarding to dig into my thought patterns and release the ones that no longer serve any positive purpose. My life is so much happier now because I realized that what happens to me doesn’t happen from the outside. I create my experience by the way I’m thinking.

In the future there may be times when I will again vent my frustration, or anger. But it’s just my way of acknowledging that those are my feelings at the moment. I mean I have to take responsibility for ALL my emotions not just the great ones. Once I’ve vented, I can go back to concentrating on love, compassion, and joy.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment or share with a friend.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2017

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, a historical, time-travel, magical realism women’s novel. It’s available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and will soon be available in a print-on-demand version at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Focused Attention

Cochise College Roses
Cochise College Roses

“Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another.” – George Eliot

“The best preparation for good work tomorrow is to do good work today.” – Elbert Hubbard

“The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.” – Arnold J. Toynbee

Last week I wrote about serendipity and how it has worked for me in my writing career. Trusting that serendipity will happen is a key element to being successful, but you can’t just sit back and let serendipity happen. Some say it takes hard work, but instead of hard work, I like to think of it as focused attention.

The reason I like to replace the words hard work with focused attention is because when we think of hard work, we equate it with stress and strain. However, I’ve learned from being involved in the theatre that hard work can be fun, fulfilling and energizing. If you like what you do, you can be focusing your attention on the task at hand, but it won’t feel stressful; it will be fun.

I’m sure you’ve experienced what I’m writing about. You’re doing something that captures your attention. You love every aspect of whatever it is you’re doing. It might be building a sand castle, skiing, playing with you children, cooking, or gardening. It doesn’t matter what the activity is, it’s your feeling about it that makes the difference. Time slips by and suddenly you realize that you were so absorbed in what you were doing that it seems like only a moment has gone by since you started your project. That’s focused attention.

Our souls rejoice when we’re doing what brings us joy. Isn’t that a much better way to live than dragging yourself out of bed every work day and dreading being there for the interminably long hours before you can go home? Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if everyone woke up excited to get to the work they love? So why do so many people stress themselves out doing work they hate?

Many of us cling to the old idea that we have to support ourselves somehow. Most of the time we think that means sacrificing doing what we love so we can put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I’d like to challenge that idea. Everyone of us can live the life of our dreams. It may take some effort to transition from our old life to our new, but that’s where focused attention and serendipity can help.

Our minds are powerful beyond what we may think. Many people are convinced that events happen TO us, but science and the ancient wisdom traditions tell us that what we think creates our reality. If we think we must stay trapped doing work we hate for twenty, thirty, or forty years before we can do what we love, we’ll be miserable most of our lives. I don’t know about you but I didn’t want to face that prospect.

I won’t say I was always completely successful in my efforts to find work I loved. I loved doing theatre, but it didn’t pay much and took up a great deal of my time. I missed many a family gathering because I was in rehearsal. The day came when I had to decided what was more important to me, my relationship with my husband, or theatre. I gave up theatre. But then a few years later, I got a job teaching drama. Ah, I could do what I loved and still go home at night to my husband. Yet there were aspects of teaching that were stressful. Teaching drama was nearly the right match but not quite. While I was getting my Masters in theatre, I discovered that I loved writing, but not many writers make a good living. So I buried the idea of becoming a writer and moved on.

The thing is that through the years I continued to believe that I would find the work I was meant to do. I kept my attention focused on doing what I loved to do as much as possible. One day, I remembered that I’d wanted to be a writer, but somewhere along the way I’d become convinced I couldn’t make a living doing what I loved most. My mind was split in two and clouded with thoughts that only the most special people are lucky enough to be successful at the thing they love doing. I tried to stay close to my first love. Almost all my jobs throughout the years involved some aspect of story telling, but I was never the story teller and that’s what I longed to do.

Who knows why we block our own happiness. However, something inside me kept prompting me to keep searching for the thing that would make me deeply and completely joyful. One day my focused attention paid off. Something clicked in my head and I realized I just needed to make the decision that writing is what I was going to do no matter what and that’s when serendipity began to work for me.

I haven’t published my first novel yet. Who knows if it will sell millions of copies. If it sells one or thousand copies, my efforts will be worth the years of work. Something else wonderful has happened during this process, I’ve met other authors by writing reviews of their books. I didn’t know that they would contact me when I wrote the reviews, it just happened that way. So, I’m creating positive change by meeting and supporting fellow authors and by allowing myself to tune into something greater than myself as I write my blog and books. Every little positive ripple changes the world. Because I believe that is true, I encourage you to find ways to do what you love even if it’s only in your spare time. Who knows where that focused effort will lead you.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2015

Facebook
Twitter
Goodreads
LinkedIn

Happiness as Radical Love

Bazz & Luce in Quartzsite 2Maybe some of you felt the way I did when the Supreme Court chose to side with Hobby Lobby. I was sad, but not surprised. It’s just the latest attack on women’s freedom to choose for themselves. To soothe myself, I went to Facebook. I have lots of friends who post positive messages. Luckily I found a post by my friend Terri. She was sharing how happy she was about the little things in life. In the stream of comments to her post, someone put the link for the YouTube lyric video to Pharrell Williams song “Happy”. I like the song, so I followed the link to start my day off right, and was struck by these words from the song.

“Here come bad news, talking this and that.
Well gimme all you got and don’t hold back.
I should probably warn you, I’ll be just fine.
No offense to you, don’t waste your time.
Here’s why. Because I’m happy.”

That’s how I’m feeling about all of the people who are so frightened about what’s going on in our world. They’re the ones bringing bad news. They try to control every little thing around them and want to control us so they feel better.

I’ve got news for them. There are a growing number of people out there who have decided that they aren’t going to allow those fearful people to control them, no matter what. I say yay to that!

I’m going to join them and go on building my happy life and not pay any attention to the haters, the conservative politicians, the fearful people who want to tell me how to live my life. They mistakenly think that if they control everything outside themselves, they’ll feel better. They won’t.

Our inner state is our choice. I choose to be happy. I’ll let them be miserable if they want to be.

Eckhart Tolle says “What you resist persists. What you fight you strengthen.” It’s a hard concept to get. We’re so used to putting up resistance when we feel like someone is in our face. But think about these things: The opossum plays dead when it feels threatened. It takes two to keep a fight going. It’s better to be for something than against it.

Wayne Dyer tells the story of Mother Teresa turning down an invitation to attend a protest rally against a war. I don’t know which war. She was gracious about it, but she said, “I’ll attend when you have a rally ‘for’ peace.”

I’m not only for peace, I’m for everyone being able to live the life that will make them happy.

One solution to help yourself achieve happiness amid all the chaos, is to follow The Four Agreements. Someone posted them on Facebook the day after the Hobby Lobby decision. I love number two: “Don’t take anything personally”. That was a difficult one for me to learn. For many years I didn’t love myself, so I thought the world was against me. It’s not. The Universe is always on your side, whether you believe it is or not. It’s when we are fearful that things don’t go the way we’ve planned. That doesn’t mean The Universe is against us. It just means we’re being offered a new opportunity to find our place in the world. If we take the opportunity provided, eventually we find peace.

True peace, happiness and joy can coexsist with all the turmoil going on in the world. We can choose to be an influence for good. I love what Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist, “No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”

What role will you play in the history of the world? I want to be remembered for spreading love, light, healing and happiness.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014

Facebook
Twitter
Goodreads
LinkedIn
She Writes

The Smile that Hides

Sometimes a smile hides pain, instead of showing joy. I know this from experience. I was reminded of that the other day when I was watching The Best of the Oprah Show on OWN. The episode was with Dr. Robert Holden the founder of the Happiness Project in England. Five people had volunteered to take a happiness test. The audience was supposed to look at the volunteers, hear a little bit about their stories and choose the one they thought was the most happy. Then they’d find out if their choice was correct according to the test results. It was interesting that the person the audience thought was the most happy, ended up being one of the most unhappy of the group. Why did they think she was the most happy? Because of her big smile. When she said, “All day long I put on a happy face and people think I’m the happiest person alive, it’s a big lie.” That reminded me of a time in my life when my smile hid a big lie. 

 

I was attending the college sponsored by the church in which I grew up. It was the end of the day and I walking through the Student Union building headed back to my dorm, when I came upon Reed, a dear friend of my parents. He was attending a conference at the college. We chatted about my parents and how I was doing. At one point he stopped and gave me the most intense look. Then he said, “Your smile is hiding some deep pain. You’re very unhappy.” The truth of what he said slapped my emotions, but I wasn’t mature enough to acknowledge that he was right. I was terribly unhappy. He was kind and told me that it was okay not to tell him what was going on, but I should find someone to talk to. 

 

When I got back to my dorm room, I sat and thought for a long time about what Reed had said to me. In that moment I faced the rage that had been building up over the past few months. I was angry at three or four students who were harassing me about being the only woman who had declared  Religious Studies as a major. Who gave them the right to tell me how to live my life?

 

Here’s a little background information to help you understand my position. It was the mid-70s. The church I belonged to didn’t ordain women as ministers. The church has a lay ministry, and often students who want to be ministers and possibly work for the World Church at headquarters, are Religious Studies students. So, naturally, everyone thought I was declaring my intention to be an ordained minister in the church. I’m not that much of a rabble rouser. My interest was purely personal and academic. I was and still am interested in the subject. I’m interested in how humans interact with and are influenced by the Divine. I was also on a personal journey of discovery. Whether or not the church decided to ordain women wasn’t foremost in my mind.  

 

Meeting Reed in that hallway was a profound experience. He woke me up to the deep pain I felt at the daily harassment I faced. I took his advice and tried to talk to the Campus Minister. He was sympathetic, but couldn’t answer my questions. Maybe I wasn’t articulate enough, I don’t know. All I remember was that talking to him made me feel more alone. 

 

Not long after that, someone, I don’t remember who, suggested I buy a notebook and start writing down my feelings. Thank Heaven for whoever that was, because my journal saved me. Once I began writing, my loneliness began to recede. Slowly my perspective changed. I learned to forgive those young men who thought I was broken. Something else happened too. I realized what others think about how I conduct my life isn’t very important.

 

My journal saved my life. In it’s pages I found a friend who would listen without judgement, and I gained new perspectives about myself. Now after 35 years of writing, I can say that I’m happy with my life. When I smile at people, it’s genuine. I don’t have to use it to hide my pain.