Will It Matter in a Hundred Years?

Dad’s Birthday

“Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll

“Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don’t get so worked up about things.” ~ Kenneth Branagh

I had no ideas about what to write today so I asked for help from the writing muses and what kept coming to mind was something my father used to say when I would get upset about something trivial. “Will it matter in a hundred years?”

It invariably happened when I was younger, I’d get caught up in some silly drama and I’d chew on it and make it my mantra. Now I’m not so prone to getting upset. If I do it takes me a much shorter time to get a better perspective. From what I read on social media, there are plenty of people who have not learned that lesson yet.

Yesterday I was looking at Facebook and there was a discussion on the TCM (Turner Classic Movies) group about whether or not The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was shown on the station, was a classic movie. It’s amazing how heated these discussions can get over something I consider to be trivial.

Sometimes arguments happen and insults are traded over things that are not so trivial. But here’s what I think my father was trying to get me to see. Our emotions have vibrations. When we get upset and lash out in anger, those feelings don’t stop with the person we’re attacking. Oh, no. They are like ripples in the water. They keep spreading out bashing into other people and affecting them. Have you ever walked into a room where two people have been fighting? Most likely, even if you’re not highly sensitive, you can feel the tension.

Another point my father was trying to make was that I needed to pick my battles. Some situations need to be challenged because in a hundred years we want that situation to have changed for the better.

When something happens that gets us all riled up, we have to take a good look and decide if getting angry, or standing up for ourselves will make a lasting difference or is of no consequence at all.

I just read Earthsea: A Wizard of Earthsea the first in a series by Ursula Le Guin. (I’m giving you fair warning of a big spoiler here in case you haven’t read it yet.) In the book a young wizard, trying to impress a rival at his wizard school, unleashes a deadly dark shadow. He must find a way to vanquish it to save all of Earthsea. To do this he must name it so he can bind it and send it back where it belongs. In the end, after first running from the shadow, then chasing it, he confronts it and calls it by his own name which reunites him with his shadow. He emerges a much wiser young man.

We all have shadows. If we try to deny them, or get rid of them by spewing them all over other people, we help neither ourselves nor others.

This is what I’ve learned from all the lessons my father taught me, it may be difficult to do, but in the end it’s worth it to take a step back to examine whether or not some ripple in the current of our lives is important enough to swim against. Clearly there are situations where going against the stream will eventually change the flow of the water. But often an argument is not worth the effort and in a hundred years, or even next week, no on will remember what the fight was about, nor will it have made the world a better place.

Now I’ve got to go see Earthsea the mini-series so I can write about it in more detail. I will, of course be reading the rest of the series so more to come.

Thanks for reading, liking and commenting.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. I you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Now Voyager – A Relevant Classic

Bette Davis, Paul Henreid in Now Voyager

“Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need other’s approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Dr. Jacquith says that tyranny is sometimes expression of the maternal instinct. If that’s a mother’s love, I want no part of it.” ~ Charlotte Vale in Now Voyager

One of the universal issues, in my opinion, that almost every human being must deal with is self-love and acceptance. It’s sad that we’re not taught to love ourselves. But then neither were our parents or theirs before them, so perhaps that situation is not so unexpected after all. Learning to love myself has been one of the most profound things I’ve undertaken in my life. And I’m not finished yet. So, when I first saw the movie, Now Voyager on Turner Classic Movies some years back, I could completely relate to Charlotte, played by Bette Davis, in her quest to not only learn to love herself, but deal with her extremely difficult mother.

Charlotte Vale’s story is nothing new, except that she comes from a old wealthy Boston family. So often we think that the rich have no problems whatsoever. This story shows that’s not always true. Charlotte has had no chance to become independent of her mother’s control or family ridicule, which results in profound self-loathing. At the beginning of the story, she has a nervous breakdown, as it was called in the 1941, and must go to Cascade, a sanitarium to heal from years of emotional abuse.

Dr. Jacquith, played by Claude Rains, the founder of Cascade, is a pioneer in the field of psychiatry. He and his staff give practical advice about how to deal with almost any situation, and with difficult people. In general Charlotte and her fellow patients socialize with each other, so they can see that they are not the only ones in pain. This gives them an opportunity to practice their skills and gives them confidence in being with other people. The book gives more details than the movie about what Charlotte learns and her tentative steps in using the techniques Dr. Jacquith teaches.

Once Charlotte has been pronounced well, her family ally, sister-in-law Lisa, and Dr. Jacquith send her on a long ocean cruise so she can practice her new interpersonal skills. On the voyage, Charlotte meets J. D. Durrance, played by Paul Henreid, a married man who is going to South America (France in the book) on business. They form a friendship and later fall in love, though their demonstrations of love never go past kissing and hugging. J. D., or Jerry as Charlotte calls him, is an honorable man. He has a demanding, shrewish wife and three daughters which puts a great strain on him. The youngest of his daughters, Tina, is showing the same kinds of symptoms Charlotte had before her breakdown. These facts are additional ties that bind Charlotte and Jerry together. When Jerry leaves the ship for his business meetings, he and Charlotte vow never to see each other again, even though they are deeply in love.

When Charlotte gets home after many months of being away from her mother, she is extremely apprehensive. However, Jerry has sent her a corsage of camellias, a nickname he gave her on the voyage. She knows he’s thinking of her and that fact gives her the courage to assert her independence when her mother begins making demands.

After that first evening, Charlotte and her mother form an unspoken truce. Over the next months, Charlotte walks a fine line between open rebellion and compliance to her mother’s demands, until one day when Charlotte breaks under her mother’s belittling. They have an argument and her mother has a heart attack and dies leaving Charlotte a wealthy heiress.

That’s when the story takes an interesting turn. Charlotte, thinking she killed her mother, goes to Cascade, where she finds Tina, Jerry’s daughter. At eleven years old, Tina is in bad shape. She’s thin, sullen, and a loner. Charlotte understands Tina better than anyone at Cascade and undertakes to be her friend. This friendship is beneficial to them both.

Charlotte’s journey is unusual for a story written in the 1940s. Though Charlotte becomes engaged at one point, when that relationship dies a natural death, she says she will remain resolutely single. After meeting Tina she devotes herself to not only helping her, but opening her home to her nieces and nephews. She also donates money to expansion at Cascade where Dr. Jacquith puts her on the board. At the end of the book, there is no indication that she and Jerry will resume their previous romantic relationship. However, Jerry agrees to allow Tina to continue living with Charlotte and the couple make a pact to work together to help her grow into a happy, independent, accomplished woman.

The movie is very much like the book, with few changes. It uses dialogue just as Olive Higgins Prouty wrote it. This is one of those classic stories I feel lots of people can relate to, and even gain some techniques for dealing with some of life’s more difficult situations. I highly recommend it.

Thanks for reading, liking and commenting. I appreciate it.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. I you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Stories That Endure

Bette Davis and Paul Henreid in Now Voyager

“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” ~ Philip Pullman

“Stories can conquer fear, you know. They can make the heart bigger.” ~ Ben Okri

It’s been a rough week. I’m still not completely recovered from my cold, so I dragged myself into class last night glad that the movie I’d picked was short. This class I teach every spring is titled dramatic structure. In the class we watch plays and movies and deconstruct the way the story is put together so we can discover the main message the writer and director are trying to get across to the audience. I’m always surprised when students like a classic movie, or play we watch. It gives me hope that maybe they will tune into Turner Classic Movies sometime and watch a vintage movie they might never have considered before taking the class.

Last night I was happy that my students loved the 1942 movie Now Voyager. This is the first time I’ve shown this movie, even though it’s one I love. It’s a domestic drama staring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, and Claude Rains. Davis plays Charlotte Vale who has a nervous breakdown and must learn how to deal with her tyrannical mother played by Gladys Cooper. She is helped by Rains’ character Dr. Jaquith. The thing I love about the movie is that it shows Charlotte not only learning how to build friendships but how to stand up for herself without causing her mother to throw her out. It’s a neat balancing act. She also finds love in an unconventional relationship with a married man played by Henreid. Even though they make a pact never to see each other again, in the end they are brought back together when Charlotte has the opportunity to help Henreid’s daughter with the approval of Dr. Jaquith. I wasn’t surprised that my students could relate to having difficult family relationships and that the film gave them some strategies they could use in their own lives.

There are so many classic plays and movies that are still relevant for us today. And I’m happy to be introducing my students to some of them.

I’ve also been surprised that my students liked Gentleman’s Agreement, staring Gregory Peck and Dorothy McGuire, a story of anti-semitism right after World War II. That ground breaking movie is important because it breaks down the subtle ways people maintain their prejudices while fooling themselves into thinking they have none at all. That’s the movie for next week. I’ll be interested to hear what the students have to say about it.

An Ideal Husband, is another favorite of my students. It’s a play by Oscar Wilde in which he uses witty lines to make the audience laugh, but which has a serious message underneath. Lord Goring, the most frivolous of heroes, helps his friends navigate a serious problem in their relationship. He tells his best friend, “Gertrude, it is not the perfect, but rather the imperfect who have need of love.” We all hope for love and forgiveness from the ones we love. Oscar Wilde delivers that for his characters while at the same time making us laugh at their foibles. It’s a masterpiece as far as I’m concerned.

Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised when a student says something profound about one of the movies or plays we’ve just watched. One year, after a viewing of a filmed stage production of The Taming of the Shrew, we were discussing Kate’s final speech. This is one of Shakespeare’s speeches that is discussed adnausium because it seems that Kate gives up her will to her husband. One student surprised me by saying, “I think that speech and Petrucio’s reaction to it show that they tamed each other.” I had never thought of it like that before. I have always fantasied that after the play was over Kate and Petrucio were going to have a vibrant, sometimes contentious, but deeply loving relationship. But to think that the tamer also gets tamed was a wonderful new way to look at that play.

Now I know that some people watch movies for pure entertainment and don’t want to discuss all the nuances of the story. But social media is full of movie fan discussions dissecting every aspect of the latest movie in their favorite franchise and if that’s not evidence that stories have a kind of power to touch us deeply, I don’t know what is.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate all your comments and likes.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2018

Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards. It’s a historical, time-travel, magical realism, women’s novel, and is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords, and print-on-demand at Amazon and other fine book sellers. To join her email list, click here. She will never sell the names on her list.

Confessions of a Late Bloomer Baby Boomer

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” -Judy Blume

“Go confidently in the direction of our dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” -Henry David Thoreau

Sister Rita Sings

This week I thought I’d write about how my perception of the American Dream has changed. We all know the schtick; if we don’t get the money, big house, the fancy cars and all the other trappings of wealth, we’re failures. I don’t believe that any more, but, I was having trouble making sense of my jumbled thoughts. Then I saw an interview with Robert Osborne on Turner Classic Movies, which snapped my intent for this post into place.

Before I go on let me say that TCM is my favorite TV channel. I could do without almost all the rest, but not TCM. Part of the reason I love it so much is because of Robert Osborne. He’s a warm and welcoming gentleman who invites you to watch each classic movie with an open mind and see what you get out of it. He’s been the host since the very beginning when the station was launched twenty years ago. So, when I saw that he was going to be the subject of the next episode of “Private Screenings”, I was thrilled. And am I glad he agreed to be interviewed. Listening to him talk about how his love of movies was the driving force in his life, helped me get a new perspective on my own life.

I’ve always called myself a late bloomer. I’m not like my eleven year old niece who knew when she was three that she wanted to be a dancer, which she pursues with a passion. No, I wasn’t at all sure who I was or what I was passionate about, except I knew I loved stories. Like Robert, I grew up in small towns in Washington State. He was born and raised in Colfax, Washington. Like his parents, mine were working class people, but they loved movies. And we’d watch them on television, or we’d go as a family to see them on the big screen and then we’d talk about them. My parents were also readers, and we’d also talk about the books we were reading. So, I got a great education in literary analysis from my parents long before I declared theatre as my major.

One thing I was sure about, I wanted to pursue a career that was creative in some way, and so in college I got a double major in Religious Studies and Theatre and Speech. There is the element of story telling in both disciplines, and that is what attracted me to them. Of course, once out of college I had to get a job and, so, for two years I did clerical work. That is, until I couldn’t stand it any longer and quit. At that time, I decided to get my Masters degree in Theater Arts at Portland State University. Once I’d made the break from the drudgery of an office, I never looked back. From then on, I always looked for jobs that had some creative component to them, but deep in my heart I knew I wanted to be a writer. I was just afraid I didn’t have the talent to make a go of it. So, I settled and berated myself for not doing what I loved. That is until I was fifty-three years old. And that brings me back to Robert Osborne’s interview.

The thing I found interesting about Robert’s story is that he always loved movies. The job he has now wasn’t invented when he was getting his degree in journalism, but he kept his passion alive any way he could. He was at various times an actor, an entertainment journalist, a talk show movie expert, an author of a book about the Academy Awards, until at the age of sixty-one he became the host of TCM. Over the years he met all the great actors as their careers were waning and he helped my generation learn a new appreciation for them. He wasn’t at all embarrassed to tell about the lean years when he wasn’t making much money pursuing this passion for the movies. And that’s when I realized that he had been living the American Dream his entire life. His passion was movies and he never lost sight of that. In the end, keeping his focus on what he loved paid off, because for twenty years he’s been working at his dream job.

After watching his interview, I thought back over my own life. I’ve been pursuing my passion as well, that of telling stories. I’ve been an actor, stage manager, worked on costumes and sets, I’ve been a director and I’ve taught drama and English. All jobs that involve story telling. They all led up to becoming a writer. This year, I’ll be sixty-one years old and I’ll publish my first novel. I’ve got twenty or more years to enjoy telling stories in many different ways. My American Dream is coming true, and I’m very grateful for that.

Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2014