“Each of us has an inner room where we can visit to be cleansed of fear-based thoughts and feelings. This room, the holy of holies, is a sanctuary of light.” ~ Marianne Williamson
“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” ~ William Shakespeare
I’ve been thinking a great deal lately about what I’m planning for my third act in life. I’ve never wanted to retire and sit in a rocking chair on our non-existent porch.
Pursuant to that, wow I’m getting very technical here, the other day I decided to put on some music and just let my mind drift. This was something I’d been feeling the need to do for several days. So, I stopped and just did it.
I wasn’t really meditating. I was thinking about something Amanda Ellis said on her YouTube channel about the dying patriarchy and the rise of the divine feminine and how what she said helped me come up with some new directions for my long awaited second novel, when an image came into my head, an iceberg.
What I felt when I saw this iceberg was that we’re all like icebergs. There is the part of us that we display to ourselves and the world. We think that’s all we are. We accept that what we see on the surface is all there is.
But then there is the submerged part of us that we’re most likely not very aware exists. Everyone has hidden talents and gifts that lay submerged until we decide to look for them, or until we’re called upon to use them. The best stories, in my opinion, are the ones where the characters must delve deep and find the strength to meet the challenges in front of them.
For most of my life, I’ve tried to fly below the radar. I wanted to do my work relatively unnoticed. I think I developed that practice because when I was younger, I stirred up controversy at church, and then in college. But because of that, I sabotaged myself. There were times when a little recognition for my accomplishments would have been nice, but I didn’t get it. It was like I was invisible, or that my contributions were not appreciated.
Here are two examples. When I was about to graduate from high school, my mother became enraged when the annual church celebration for graduating seniors was cancelled. The reason they gave for cancelling the event was because I was the only person graduating that year. Mom, of course, thought I should be celebrated just like all the other graduates before and after me. I must admit it would have been nice. I was a little sad about it, but on the other hand, I was not very surprised or even upset. In a way I could see their point. Why spend all that time and effort for just one person? And besides, our family was rather controversial and even considered eccentric. And people who try to institute new ways of doing things are often ostracized.
The other example is when I decided to retire from teaching public school. Again, I was the only person leaving that year and at the end of the year gathering, no one even mentioned that I was not returning the following school year. I got no thank you for my five years of service. Yet, the year before, there was a big fuss made over the young band teacher who had only taught at the school district for one year. That one did hurt a bit, but I got over it as I started writing my first novel and began teaching at the college.
I told those stories to make the point that I have rarely felt “seen” for who I really am, at least in my working life. I have just enough family and friends who appreciate and love me to not let the others bother me. But there have been times when I wonder if I’m frightened by what I sense I’m capable of doing and being. Maybe it’s just easier to not stand out. I guess I was burned by the early controversies in my life. But now I feel like I need to finish healing those old wounds.
I’ve recently been feeling like my life is too small. Like it doesn’t fit any longer. So, I have begun to examine my long held beliefs about everything I thought to be true. Slowly, over time, some inner voice has urged me to consider that I might become more than I ever thought possible. I’ve gone back to those old questions we ask ourselves when we’re young. “Who am I? Why am I here? And what do I really want out of life?” The answers are not what I expected.
A person who follows this blog post wrote a comment last week. She was responding to my post, “Human Connections”. What she said was something like, “It’s amazing how much we don’t know about people, especially those in our families.” And isn’t that the truth. Most of us live secret lives and even die with our stories still inside us. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want people to see the real me. I guess that’s why I started writing this blog so many years ago, to peel back the protective layers and allow myself to be open and honest about who I really am.
And I want to know more about the people around me. That’s why I created Story~Power. My hope is that the conversations with my guests will reveal things about them. Like what is it that motivates them? How do they see themselves in the stories they are drawn to? How do they share their passions, their love, their hope with the world? What do they learn about themselves from the stories, the music, and the art they consume or tell? And, maybe the most important question of all, how do stories connect us to each other?
I guess I’m an eternal optimist. I think if we can see into someone’s heart and soul, even a little bit, then maybe we can see that we are much more alike than we are different. And then we will honor each other instead of see each other as enemies. I have tried to do that in all my interactions with people. I’m not always successful, but I’d much rather try to connect with someone than to assume they are an enemy.
I’m rambling. My mind goes off and makes connections that are sometimes hard to follow. Mostly I’ve just been thinking about what untapped potential I might have that I can develop and share. And if I can help others do the same thing through all my creative endeavors. Maybe these changing times are affecting you in similar ways. I’d love to hear your stories.
Enjoy the full moon. Take care of yourselves. Welcome to my new followers. Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting.
Lucinda Sage-Midgorden © 2021
Lucinda is the author of The Space Between Time, an award finalist in the “Fiction: Fantasy” category of the 2017 Best Book Awards.
Have you ever experienced life shattering events? Yeah, most of us have. In The Space Between Time, Jenna Holden gets slammed by her fiancé walking out, her mother’s untimely death, and losing her job all in one week. But she receives unexpected help when she finds her three-times great-grandmother’s journals and begins the adventure of a lifetime.
The Space Between Time is available in all ebook formats at Smashwords and for Kindle at Amazon, or you can find the ebook at iBooks or Barnes and Noble. If you prefer a physical copy, you can find a print-on-demand version at Amazon. Stay tuned for news when the audiobook version is published.
Lucinda is also the host of Story-Power a new podcast where she and her guests discuss the stories in all formats that have changed their lives. It’s available here on Sage Woman Chronicles and on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast apps. Please rate and leave a review. It helps people find me.